Kristen Bell approves this move to Substack
open if you've ever accepted less than you deserve (k great, all of you)
Welcome, sweet feminists!!
Thank you for joining me over here! I’m grateful and excited that you’re part of this next phase of the sweet community we’ve built together!
And I’m thrilled by the opportunity to try something new.
Today I’m telling you one of my secrets. And (I think?) it’s a juicy one. A long time ago, I fell very in love with someone. This someone had a motorcycle, was my coworker, and the kicker - was in a (mutually agreed upon) open relationship with their long-distance long-term partner. Our first date was at a sticky dive bar, where we drank Natty Boh (Baltimore’s finest!) and discussed our shared need to feel free. Our last date was a trip to Taco Bell, where I discussed my need for the bare fucking minimum. We saw each other secretly for over a year, and never told our friends (except the ones who were my roommates, because, you know, necessity). On his 26th birthday I drank a lot of whiskey and watched him & his partner slow dance to a Sam Cooke song in a bar I introduced him to. On my 24th birthday he sat beside me while I blew out the candles, then three days later texted me that he’d be going on a two-week trip with her and not to expect him to be around for awhile.
It wasn’t all bad, of course, Sometimes it felt like looking in a mirror - I didn’t have to explain things, and it seemed like our particular brand of “self” just matched. He made eating an apple look sexy. He showed up at my door on foot in the middle of a snowstorm (hit me up for a collab, Hallmark Channel). He told me a childhood story about falling out of a treehouse. He told me he wished he’d met me earlier. He told me he was working on being my boyfriend. Before going to sleep, he always asked “should we go to sleep now?”.
Throughout, I tried - to varying degrees of success - to shrink myself into someone who needs less. I tried to be cool. I dated other people. But I’m not very good at shrinking and I’m not that cool (though I did, in fact, like dating other people). Eventually, he ended it by moving to god-knows-where, minimal belongings towed behind a pickup truck. And eventually, I was relieved.
The point of all this? 1: revenge (kidding, mostly), and 2: an opportunity to talk about accepting less than you deserve. Sometimes I wish I had been the one to leave. I wish I’d said something along the lines of “Who do you think you are? But more importantly - who do you think I am?”, and also “Fuck you for refusing to be my date to the Christmas party at my new job”, and also “I deserve way better than whatever this is”. I didn’t say these things then, but I’m happy to share that I believe them now.
For me, refusing to accept less than I deserve is an ongoing practice that I nurture. I repeat mantras, send the hard emails (I hate emails), and try to really hear my loved ones when they insist they really do enjoy me. But, of course, challenges to my “I deserve this” peace pop up - especially in my own thoughts about myself. My inner critic can be very loud.
But I know for absolute sure that I did not deserve to be someone’s secret Taco Bell breakup. And neither do you!
a recipe:
radish dip
I know you might be thinking “um, no thanks Becca I’m good (and also, this isn’t a baked good)”, but you’re just going to have to trust me - everyone that tries this dip likes it. It’s the kind of super-easy thing you can bring to a potluck, serve before a holiday meal, or just whip up for Friday night snack dinner. I’m not sure of this recipe’s origin, but I’m 80% sure my grandma got it from her coworker.
for the dip
1 8-oz package softened cream cheese
1/2 cup mayo (I use Duke’s)
3/4 cup radishes, grated or chopped in the food processor
3/4 cup thinly sliced green onions (both the green and white parts)
4-5 shakes Worcestershire sauce
the how-to
In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, mix the cream cheese and mayo on medium speed until smooth, about 1 minute. Add the radishes, green onions, and Worcestershire sauce, and mix on medium speed until combined. Eat.
Store in the fridge, covered, for up to 3 days.
notes
This is best eaten with tortilla chips (ideally the scoop kind)
I usually double the recipe
If you don’t have a stand mixer use a wooden spoon
The flavor is even better second day. So if you can, let it sit in the fridge overnight before eating.
weekly abortion affirmation
Your abortion story is yours, to share or not.
psst: if you do want to share it, WeTestify is the place!
baking tip of the week
Using room temp ingredients, like milk/eggs/butter is crucial in some recipes (especially some cake recipes) because it allows the batter to properly combine and emulsify. This helps make sure your final product comes out with the right texture.
(tip from Baking by Feel!)
my current fave pic of Otie
some notable (and less notable) things
Last week the FDA ruled that mifepristone (one of the two pills typically used for a medication abortion - misoprostol is the other) can be dispensed at retail pharmacies (CVS/Walgreens/etc)!! It’s good news, and I’m hopeful the change will help destigmatize abortion care. But a couple of notes: this will only be available in states where abortion is currently legal, and will still require a prescription. If you need help accessing care, click here or here.
My friend Nōn is launching something really exciting: The Feely Human Membership Community opens on January 11, 2023 (tomorrow)! A space to be seen in all of your myriad, beautiful wholeness. A space for the big-hearted, for the highly sensitive, for the activists, meaning makers, and mental health advocates. A space to grow and grapple with the wonders of empathy, vulnerability, and emotional curiosity. The community includes monthly events led by experts, emotional check-in cohorts, the Movies That Make Us Feel movie club, Heart to Heart sessions, and so much more. Learn more, sign up for the waitlist, and join the community on January 11 by heading to FeelyHuman.co/membership.
I’ve been using an app called Opal that blocks other, more distracting apps (that you choose!) for predetermined lengths of time. I still pick up my phone 87 times but then Opal’s like ma’am and I put it back down. Yes you can end the block early, and no this is not sponcon.
This video:
Tiktok failed to load.
Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
housekeeping:
The very first secrets & sparkly moments deep dive/round-up post is coming this Friday! Upgrade to a paid subscription for $5/month to read it <3
And don’t forget - you can submit your secrets & sparkly moments anonymously right here, anytime/anywhere!
xoxo,
your favorite becca
things that permanently live at the bottom of my posts:
Submit your secrets/sparkly moments here.
If you need help accessing abortion care, click here or here.
Grab a copy of my choose-your-own-adventure cookbook, Baking by Feel, here!
Wow thanks for putting into words exactly how I feel about open and poly relationships. A timely reminder as I find myself starting to fall head over heels for someone who sounds eerily similar.
i love radishes and can’t wait to try the dip! and i agree that rent is bs. we also shouldn’t have to pay for period products