"i'm in 21st grade (my PhD) and still feel imposter syndrome every day"
and other selected secrets/sparkles
remember, in this context:
secrets are the shadowy things that we want to share but might be tempted to hide because of shame/fear/social obligations.
sparkles are the things that make you feel most alive - little moments of joy/satisfaction/contentment that you wish you could bottle up.
click here to submit your own secrets/sparkles anonymously anytime.
First: an update on pottery guy (I’ve been waiting for this one!)
I texted him but he was just coming off as a totally different person on text. Just too intense and vaguely needy but also was like I’m not a relationship guy??? So I went with my gut and did the mature thing ~ghosted him~
Thank you for this - I’m so glad you went with your gut!
loosely defined themes of the week: disappointment, trying it out, lil cuties
secrets
play this while reading
short & sweet/salty:
I love my ex even tho I’m the one who ended it. I love them and probably always will and that is such a confusing feeling.
My grandmother is in the hospital again and it feels like this might be the last time.
I had a miscarriage and I’m actually so glad.
I’m scared of my landlord and I’m scared I will break down crying when I meet her.
I wish I could rely on my friends to be selfless when I need them.
My colleagues aren’t doing their jobs well and it pisses me off.
I wish we could have another baby!
My best friend is ghosting me and I don’t know why or if I upset her somehow. At a loss.
I want to drop out of college but everyone would be so disappointed.
I went to a sex party last night and I feel so dumb for staying in a sexless relationship for 8 years.
I feel invisible in my friendships and marriage since having kids.
I can’t stop fantasizing about sleeping with my married neighbour and his wife.
I resent my granny (best friend for years) for being an alcoholic (I just found out).
It’s been over 2 years since I’ve been with anyone + I feel like I must be undesirable.
I’m chronically ill & struggling w/ post-operative depression after gallbladder removal.
My parents are getting divorced and I’m scared to move out and go to college.
My dog and I are on the same anxiety medication now.
My boyfriend needs more alone time than I do & it makes me feel needy.
I sometimes wish my family didn’t care about me so I could self destruct with no guilt.
My marriage is faltering and my stepdaughter is 13, the worst age for divorce.
I’m pregnant again less than a year after my firstborn died in the NICU. We’re excited, but terrified.
It’s easier not to tell people I gave up alcohol because of their rude comments.
Just diagnosed with bipolar and I actually feel relief. It will get better.
I’m afraid I won’t get better emotionally after my miscarriage.
I can’t stop being angry at my friend but also can’t stop missing her.
My disability is making it nearly impossible to leave my partner. I love him but we’re not in a good place.
Been having panic attacks again. My therapist suggested meds. I’m tired of pretending to be OK.
I have food poisoning for the first time and pooped all over my bathroom and was horrified.
I regret changing my last name when I got married.
I’m so tired of being sad for no reason.
I’m jealous of my best friend’s new relationship & I miss spending time with her.
I never want to hang out with friends and dread being asked.
I just want them to love me back.
I’m horrified at the mean person my child has become.
My 29 year old bro w/ autism got fired after 5 years at a great job. I don’t know how to help.
Love my IUD but sometimes feel like a bad abortion advocate because I haven’t had an abortion.
You can *absolutely* be a wonderful advocate if you haven’t had abortions! There are so many ways to support abortion rights and eliminate the shame/stigma - including using affirming language that’s centered on people who have abortions, funding abortion, and generally listening to what people who have abortions say they want/need then loudly advocating for it.
My lover/best friend slept with a sex worker while away on a trip and I don’t know how to move past it.
I love being single but sometimes it’s really lonely.
My sister and I have a plan to move out but I’m not sure I want to anymore.
I want to leave my husband but it will cost me SO much money. I don’t remember the last time I felt cared for or supported; he couldn’t even be bothered to get me flowers or do anything to celebrate when I found out I earned tenure.
I need to quit my job but am fearful of leaving the comfort and benefits.
I’ve been experiencing pain in my heart that I think may be related to my new meds (that have been working otherwise) and I’m scared of the pain and scared of switching meds.
I don’t trust my in-laws.
Got drunk and fell and think I broke my foot 2 weeks before a big trip. I’m so mad at myself.
long-form:
Found out my dad (with whom I cut off contact) has a serious heart disease. The guilt/shame I feel at not being there for him plagues my mind at night. He is a super religious and emotionally damaging, so I know cutting off contact was right for my growth. But I still feel sad and scared about him passing.
My best friend is engaged (but not planning to get married for 2 years) and the fiancé is great but the two of them can’t communicate (which they know). Both consistently tell me abt how frustrated they are and how they can’t communicate well. I really don’t think they should get married or honestly even be together but I can’t tell them.
sparkles
play this while reading
short & sweet:
My kitten crawled on my chest while working from home and now he’s sleeping.
My MFA thesis film is finally coming together.
First time finishing a dewing project in over a year this weekend.
I’m growing closer to a friend and she makes me feel so seen.
Bought the velvet couch of my dreams to put in my new apt (I’m the first solo apt at 29 gal!).
Omg I love this for you - velvet couches are like the height of luxury to me.
Dog on my lap overhearing my fiance sing along to his music while he makes me dinner.
My cat is finally getting along with my new kitten.
Tomorrow is my birthday!
Made fresh bread for my sister’s family and it didn’t even last 24 hours.
I cried while eating pancakes my husband made bc I’m so grateful for the life we live.
Well I cried while reading this so thank you!
Spending a warm day in a beer garden full of queers, big sparkles.
I just did a long nighttime routine and it felt great.
My newborn baby girl and I wore matching headbands today.
I got a phone interview for a job I REALLY want!!!
I finally hung up all my wall art after 2 months of it sitting on my floor mainly due to what I’m finding out is adhd paralysis. Feels good to complete.
Rescued a huge house plant from a neighbor who was throwing it away.
Best friend is getting ready to have her baby!!!
Had a mini breakthrough on my novel-in-progress out of the blue while working my day job today.
I had a performance review this week with my new manager and the way she thoughtfully provided both praise and feedback on areas where I can grow literally brought me to tears.
My niece picks a favourite every time we see her. Today it was me, I got all the cuddles.
long form:
I started an etsy store making pro-choice and bans off our bodies shirts. It's so empowering! p.s. Thanks for helping normalize my two abortions. There's so much stigma—mine were somewhat socially acceptable, b/c they were for chromosomal reasons. But ALL ABORTIONS ARE VALID! Thanks for shouting that from the rooftops <3
and now, a selection of your sparkly pets!
xoxo,
your favorite becca
things that permanently live at the bottom of my posts:
Submit your secrets/sparkly moments here.
If you need help accessing abortion care, click here or here.
Grab a copy of my choose-your-own-adventure cookbook, Baking by Feel, here!