"I'm 27 and still suck my thumb"
and other selected secrets/sparkles
remember, in this context:
secrets are the shadowy things that we want to share but might be tempted to hide because of shame/fear/social obligations.
sparkles are the things that make you feel most alive - little moments of joy/satisfaction/contentment that you wish you could bottle up.
loosely defined themes of the week: comfort, nostalgia, the beauty and complexity of families
secrets
play this while reading
short & sweet/salty:
Me and my husband don't want kids, and know we'll be judged by friends, family and strangers the rest of our lives. We're having a hard time making the decision that feels right in our guts.
It's really sexy when women are super vocal & unapologetic about having abortions.
I am no longer sure I believe in marriage, even though I am still in love with my husband.
My wallet was stolen at the grocery store today and I feel so violated.
Today I stood up for myself to my mom. It was uncomfortable but I’m proud of myself.
I say I'm ready to fall in love, yet have negative reactions to anyone showing interest in me. Ranges from full-blown panic, to annoyance, to "why is this happening to me?" I'm the problem, it's me.
My partner never really shares us on social media and I’ve falling out of sharing too but all my friends still in relationships still share moments. It sometimes makes me doubt our relationship/love.
I cycle between feeling broken beyond repair or a bad ass boss bitch. No middle ground.
Wanted a baby so badly, now the pregnancy sickness is crippling & I can’t function.
I don’t wanna go to college and I hate working.
I still miss him after almost seven years and we never even dated.
I’ve been split from my ex husband for over six months and still haven’t told my parents.
My partner has ADHD, which creates a parent/child dynamic. Even though it's super common in relationships where one partner has it and the other doesn't, it absolutely sucks.
I was blindsided and laid off my job but man, does writing a scathing email back to them feel good.
My mom is in the hospital dying of heart failure and it’s very sad to be with her and experience this. I am spending time with my sister though and we are on the same page for the first time in a long time.
My male boss tells me I’m “too aggressive” and it’s hurtful bc I’m not an aggressive person at all.
One of my closest friends isn’t being good to me and it’s hard to defend myself.
I feel guilty for being annoyed by my in-laws.
I really want to talk to my ex not because I miss him but because I’m angry.
I just ghosted someone really great bc I have feelings for my friend who doesn’t like me back.
Had a medical emergency earlier this month and I’m not sure I’ll ever be not-anxious again.
Every time I go to Target I steal something.
Last month I shared I took my sister to rehab. Last week I took my mom.
I hate my job and feel absolutely out of control of my life.
secret/sparkle hybrid:
My boss thinks its funny to be mean to me so I had an interview for a new job today! Nervous but excited to change companies!
long-form:
I love my partner but I want him to move out. My partner is currently living with me. He was only supposed to stay until he found a job in his preferred city. We thought this would be maybe a month or two. Although he’s been actively looking for work, it’s been four months. He is, in many ways, wonderful. He cooks, he cleans, he listens well, he gives the best massages, he has a delightfully weird sense of humor…..I could go on. But….I was living alone before and loving it. I didn’t want to move in with him. I don’t know if I ever will. He is also very depressed and that + unemployment means he is always around. I’ve had almost no time to myself which is the absolute biggest no no for my highly introverted self. He knows all of this and feels terribly guilty but there is still no end in sight. I’m exhausted.
sparkles
play this while reading
short & sweet:
This super sweet/charming/cute guy in the pottery class I’m teaching gave me his number!!!!
omgggg please update us next week <3
The smell of my freshly-washed hair after a depressive episode.
Going out of town with friends to reunite our whole friend group this weekend!
My boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time on Monday! (I love him too!)
Had shoulder surgery a week ago and my bad arm is working again! Surgery helped.
Daffodils and early flowering trees blooming in DC.
After MONTHS of applying to jobs I finally have an interview somewhere.
My twins started waving this week!
The kids I nanny for baked me a cake for my birthday (COVERED in sprinkles).
Student came to office hours to ask about my abortion research <3.
In the midst of our messy remodel I built and organized my person a rly neat closet out of moving boxes.
Getting a new IUD!
Baked a chocolate cake (your recipe) for my dad’s bday and it was SO GOOD.
I received full funding for next year in my PhD program after a rigorous application process.
Partner and I ran around with our pup in the snow today; she loved it so much.
Pep talk from my big sister that realllly worked - she makes me feel so seen.
My students were so excited when they found their sample cells in the microscope.
Hugs from behind when I’m washing the dishes.
I signed a book deal for my dream graphic novel project!
HUGE congratulations - that’s so incredible!! Please treat yourself to anything you want for an entire week.
long-form:
I made the home sick sour cream sugar cookies last night. I wasn’t feeling particularly home sick but wanted to bake. And today I had breakfast with my high school best friend who I spent countless hours in the mall with. Since she is a part of my home in the big city, it felt right to bring her and her fiancé some of the cookies.
I love this so much!!! For everyone else - this is one of my most popular recipes from Baking by Feel. They taste very much like the sugar cookies you used to buy from those cookie stores at the mall, in the best way. They’re a perfect antidote to homesickness, because they taste exactly the same everywhere. They’re rolled in crunchy rainbow sanding sugar, get their distinctive flavor from a surprise ingredient - sour cream - and have a lot of vanilla extract (it’s all necessary). Regardless of where you happen to be when you take a bite of one of these, close your eyes and picture the mall with the Claire’s where you got your ears pierced when you were eight. Feel transported to home.
click here to submit your own secrets/sparkles anonymously anytime.
xoxo,
your favorite becca
things that permanently live at the bottom of my posts:
Submit your secrets/sparkly moments here.
If you need help accessing abortion care, click here or here.
Grab a copy of my choose-your-own-adventure cookbook, Baking by Feel, here!