"my new boyfriend surprised me by taking me to a butterfly conservatory"

and other selected secrets/sparkles

Aug 17, 2023

Hi friends, thank you so much for being here! It means a lot to me. If you enjoy my writing, I’d love it if you’d share A Little Something Sweet with the people you love. I also invite you to upgrade to a paid subscription, which gives you access to my Rom Coms Revisited movie club, exclusive recipes, and other subscribers-only content. Your support of my work allows me to keep creating here and elsewhere. I’m so grateful, xoxo.

remember, in this context:

secrets are the shadowy things that we want to share but might be tempted to hide because of shame/fear/social obligations.
sparkles are the things that make you feel most alive - little moments of joy/satisfaction/contentment that you wish you could bottle up.

click here to submit your own secrets/sparkles anonymously anytime.

loosely defined themes of the week: Back to school, perfect fruit, friendship reciprocity (or the lack of), when depression comes back

secrets

short & sweet/salty:

My ex joined my gym right after we broke up, and I’ve been avoiding going bc I don’t want to see him. I’m mad at him for ruining one of my favorite places, and mad at myself for letting this still affect me months later.
Dad has covid less than a week before college move in—I’m mad at the universe.
Pregnancy is kicking my ass.
I deleted my dating apps in the hope to rematch with my ex.
I’m desperate to move out of my parent’s house but I can’t afford to live here.
My best friend might be the love of my life but I don’t think either of us is ready to admit it.
Wondering if my partner is just laid back and less emotive or if he’s actually just a dick.
I haven’t dated since before the pandemic and I’m scared to try again.
I’m falling in love and I’m soooo scared of getting hurt.
I miscarried this week at 11 weeks. I feel so broken but most don’t know I was pregnant.
After my breakup, realized I genuinely loved my cat more than him & am relieved it’s over.
I hate everyone’s kids but my own. I fake it good!
Ending a toxic friendship I felt sad for a second but now I feel so freeeeeeee.
I don’t know how much longer I can pretend to like my mother in law.
I don’t think I would make it in this world without my husband.
I posted here last year I made a best friend and now she won’t text me back.
I got divorced this year and now I’m in nonmonog relationships with 6 different people.
Nervous about being a CLC after unsuccessfully breastfeeding my own child.
I posted about “finding my person” but today he tried to thru my phone.
My relationship with my mom is so much better now that I only see her once every few months.
I wish my ex who left me when I became chronically ill would become disabled too.
I have a colonoscopy this week and I’m so effing nervous about the results. Wish my luck y’all <3.
I don’t know if moving in with my partner is the right thing to do.
29 and might need second organ transplant. Wondering if it’s worth it to go through w it.
In love with my 1st love since I was 14, I’m 40 now. He feels the same, married to others.
I am scared I’m in a narcissistic marriage.
Just found out I have to get breast surgery after being told I wouldn’t have to and I’m fking scared.
I’ve spent 6 years studying and people keep asking me what I will do now…I have zero clue.
I’m scared that I’m starting to see my dad age.
I’m terrified my long distance bf n I won’t make it and I’ve wasted these years.
I still have feelings for someone who moved across the world months ago.
My boyfriend got fired again and I am afraid he is actually an unlikeable person.
The baby in my belly is sick and I don’t know how to cope.
I feel like moving to a different city cause I can’t get over my ex that left me a month ago.
I’m only trying to recover from my eating disorder to spite my almond mum.
My boss fired me for saying I was worried she was going to fire me.
Spending my bday alone, I did this somewhat on purpose but I’m still feeling a bit sad about it.
I’m disappointed, not surprised, by my friends disappearing when I need them most.
Saw a psychic last night and she said I was going to marry my boyfriend.
I want to get pregnant so badly but I’m absolutely TERRIFIED.
I just moved out of state for the first time ever.
My long term partner left me and now I’m afraid I’ll never be happy.
I still think about what went wrong with an interview 9 months ago.
I am unreasonably mad at an 11 year old girl who hurt my daughter…
I came home from summer camp for 2 months and I can’t stand my bf being near me.
I’m more upset over the death of a former affair partner than my miscarriage.
Entering my 30’s and I’m not sure if I have any real true friends.
I’m always there for my friends but they aren’t really there for me.
My husband’s side of the family cause such drama and it exhausts me.
I can’t decide to breakup with my bf cause I’ll miss our dog too much.
I literally have the best husband but it makes me so mad that he doesn’t clean to my standard.
Moved back to our home state (family emergency) I’m scared my partner won’t move again.
I’m scared that I no longer have a sense of “home”, a place to feel comfortable or to rest in.
I like my brothers new boyfriend but miss time with my brother. Feel ghosted by him.
I’m honestly so happy and content being single with no kids.
It’s my birthday, my husband stuck me w/ kid duty while he sleeps in and relaxes alone.
I want to ghost my whole life and flee to the woods. I have a plan, but feel obligated to stay.
My college “best friend” did not pick me to be in her wedding. I’m devastated.
I had a failed IUD insertion and am scared it will fail again the second time.
I stopped taking the pill and now I’m having the best sex of my life with my fiance.
I’m leaning more into my faith and I don’t think my friends will like me.
My family is becoming more conservative by the day and I hate visiting.
I had such a huge fight with my manipulative in-laws yesterday that I am thinking about divorce.
Was over my ex of a year until I spied a new girlfriend on his Instagram now can’t stop thinking.
Mad at my parents & the flawed healthcare system for missing my chronic illnesses for years.
I hate my future sister in law.
I will never forgive the doctors that didn’t take my mom seriously.
I love my baby but postpartum suuuucks. I don’t know how people do this more than once.
Moving to college next week and I’m so sad to leave home.
I’m having a hard time having hope anymore.
My dad has been treating my mum badly for years and am sick of it and want to help her.
I love my bf but I don’t see us together long term.
I’m worried I don’t like that my mom moved to the same city as me.
I have a gastro bug atm and feel like a helpless baby.
My brother and SIL are burying their miscarried baby this weekend while my partner's sister is expecting a healthy baby next week. So conflicting.
I’m tired of my friends getting pregnant…I feel so alone for not wanting kids.
I’m tired of being a problem.
My sisters are starting to go down the same path as my terrible parents and it’s really sad :(
I mourn both of my abortions, it was the right choice, and upset at bf for not feeling the same.
I daydream about my ex losing EVERYTHING he thought I was “only there for”.
My friend is considering divorce and I hope she goes through with it because she deserves better.
My depression has severely lessened my sex drive and I feel like I’m disappointing my bf.
9mos post horrific break up, haven’t even kissed another person, feeling unloveable, doomed, and still angry.
Got a masters and am job hunting for more $$ so I can afford divorce. Thrilled at the idea of dating again.
I’m really ready to let go of traditional holidays with our families of origin & do our own.
Well it’s not skin cancer, but I have to wait two weeks for the additional testing.
Thought I wasn’t sad about my breakup but today it is hitting me hard.
I’m taking a chance on freelancing my photography and plagued with the fear of failing.
My husband and I have code words for his annoying family and their antics.
My grandmother is slowly losing her memory and it’s so heartbreaking and frightening to see.
I don’t know whether to hope I’m pregnant or hope I’m not.
I deeply regret becoming a teacher but don’t know what to do about it at this point.
My credit cards are maxed out and we are living paycheck to paycheck and idk what to do.
I’ve been married for 9 years and have never had an orgasm with my husband…but alone? Yes.
I fucked my best friend’s ex…twice.
First trimester of pregnancy is kicking my ass!!! Idk how I’m going to make it through.
Going on a date with a boy from work today and I’m so scared and also not rly into guys??
I’m doing my prenatal testing and I’m scared of the outcome.
I think my camp crush and I are flirting via instagram likes !!
I want to have a baby so badly and feel guilty about it because of the abortion I had last year.
Trying for a baby is more stressful than romantic and it makes me sad.
I wish I had more friends. Making new friends as an adult is so hard.
I just found out that one of my fav coworkers talks shit ab me and don’t know how to react.

long-form:

I’m slowly and intentionally estranging myself from my mom and sister. Their behavior hurts and is just silly ass textbook immaturity and not dealing with the hurts in their own lives, so it spills onto whoever is closest. Gossip, triangulation, guilt, manipulation, weaponizing information about whoever is on the outs. My husband finally sees it and I feel so validated after so long. I don’t feel sad about the distance being created, but I do feel sad for the family I thought I had. I love them, always, but I feel free when I’m not around them and that has brought a peace that I don’t want to give up.
Tonight was my Dad’s 68th birthday party. Just my immediate family, very nice. My sister came back from a wedding and was telling us all about it.
I was already sad because I realized I’m at the age when I’m not really getting invited to weddings anymore—and I love a wedding. More than that, I was struck again that I’m never like a “core guest” at a wedding. I’m the person that folks are surprised (albeit happily) that I was considered close enough to be invited. I’ve only been in a wedding party out of family obligation—and mostly as a flower girl. And I know there’s a financial benefit to not being a bridesmaid, but it sucks to know no one wants you to stand with them, that you hold all your friends a lot more dear then they hold you. That it’s not a coincidence that it takes days for them to text you back. That there are group chats you’re just not in. So I already wasn’t doing great. Then the idea of my wedding came up. Dear reader, I’m almost 32 and have never been on so much as a second date. (And it’s not like I have a lot of other things going for me, I still live at home, a combination of financial need at first, then a pandemic, and now inertia and fear. (I should say, I’m working on it.) It’s not like I’ve sacrificed it all for a thriving career—I can’t get through a work day without checking Idealist for other jobs and am probably going to leave my field.) So my imaginary wedding gets mentioned, and soon my Dad is joking about how folks will be joking about “We never thought she’d marry.” And he was just trying to be funny. But damn if it didn’t get me. It’s not the first time that I’ve been the but of this type of joke. It’s been a family punch line for over a decade. Anyhow, I just needed to tell someone in the internet void. Thanks for listening!

sparkles

short & sweet:

I finally get to meet my newest niece (almost 8 months old!) tomorrow.
I won a writing contest! It's my first publication ever!
I’m moving out soon, to another city and transferring to a university. I’m so nervous and excited for the freedom, opportunities, and responsibilities that will come with it.
My best friend just got her dream job and I’m so proud of her!
After 10 years, I’ve landed at a school that doesn’t exploit my labor and gaslight me.
Getting a new tattoo tomorrow!! :) it’s a reference to my fav book.
Little baby laughs while singing old Macdonald for the millionth time this week.
Just discovered I’m lesbian; hubs and I are now platonically raising our 4 kids together.
Very 1st ultrasound today and baby is viable so now my anxiety is way better.
Found out I don’t have a brain tumor. Biggest sparkle.
I think I’ve finally found my elopement venue.
I was able to grab lunch with my dad today!
Realizing I’m bi.
I bring my dog to work with me and a client complimented how well behaved she is.
Taking a class to develop a new skill and it makes me feel so smart!!
When my best friends kitty comes of her own accord and curls up on my lap.
I got covid and my boyfriend did a full grocery shop for me and dropped it at my door.
Due w my first baby in about a month!
Bf and I slept over for the first time and said I love you.
Tomorrow I’ll reach my 200 mile goal biking to raise money for a local abortion fund!
In exactly two months I’m marrying the most lovely partner and I can’t wait.
I set and have been enforcing boundaries with my family without guilt.
The hummingbirds found our feeder and they’re just so beautiful!
Got lost in my favorite book store today <3
Watching my daughter take her first steps & all the curiosity.
Told the person I’m dating that I’m ace and it literally could not have gone better.
Yesterday I saw the ocean for the first time after 3+ years of chronic pain.
I’ve had three pretty decent days in a row after a long bout of depressive episodes.
Saw the most vivid rainbow on the drive to my new apartment! Taking it as a good luck charm!
My one and only daughter starts preschool in a week <3
Got my hair cut today and I am LIVING
I realized today my daughter and I can survive just fine on our own. I can single parent!!
I started a PhD program last month and I love it already.
Forehead kiss after a hard night.
Moved into my new apt last tue and my room is finally coming together! I love it.
My 10 yo has started to interview me & my husband about our lives. It’s so sweet.
Spending time with my mother in law as she recovers from a hip replacement.
I rebuilt my relationship with my mum.
I applied for a management opportunity at my company and I’m just proud to have tried.
I’m opening a vintage shop on my own, hardest thing I’ve ever done but damn, am I proud.
Realizing today that motherhood is better than imagined.
Under 100 degrees today so I finally got to take my kids to the park!
The cutest little old man is my neighbour and he brings me bagels sometimes.
I truly lived in the moment for the first time in a long time at a music festival recently.
Learning to manage my own emotions instead of fixing others.

Heard <3 <3

I just moved back to my hometown to a little house with some friends near a park and I LOVE it.
My baby girl turns one today and I am starting to see her sassy personality.
I went on a second date tonight and the guy gives me butterflies.
I TOOK MY POTTERY OUT OF THE KILN AND IM SO PROUD OF HOW FAR IVE COME.
Someone told me they love my passion and energy recently WOW MY WHOLE HEART.
I joined my synagogue’s choir and our first rehearsal was today!
Today is our 11th wedding anniversary. Hubs took the day off just so we could be together.
My daughters joy in art.
I’m seeing someone &. it’s the first time I haven’t felt afraid!
My legal intern will be a great attorney some day, can’t wait to see it.
Made mug cakes with my sweet little babysitting kiddo with lots of vanilla and sprinkles.
Feeling my baby kick has been so special.
I got a job MAKING CERAMICS?! with/for a fantastic artist.
I know my bf of 5 years is proposing soon.
I’ve been hand quilting a hexagon quilt, and it’s growing and so pretty.
I started a new dance class! (I keep telling myself I don’t have to be really good at something to enjoy it).
I taught my cat to sit! Love my smart cute fluff ball.
My cousins 2 yr old daughter saying my name in her baby voice.
The support of my friends during a stressful season I’m having at work.
I spent last weekend at the ren faire and it was the perfect day.
Work review went well! I’m officially off an action plan. Thanks, starting ADHD meds!
I accidentally reconnected with the person who I think might have been the one.
A neighbor saw me loading my car to move & stopped to say they’d miss me.
I FINISHED THE ESSAYS FIRST DRAFT.
It’s very small and strange but we finally got a compost bin for our apartment block and I am so happy!
I’ve found my chosen family after coming out. I feel so safe and held for the first time ever.
Having my radiation burns heal and knowing cancer is now in the rear view mirror.
I’m getting married this weekend.
Went to the beach and played games all weekend. Felt like a kid again!
Moving back into college and feeling more ready than I thought I would!
Catching up with lifelong friends this weekend <3
Deleted Tik Tok, limiting my screen time, and started reading again!
Gave birth to my son.
Ate a perfect peach this morning.
Just moved into my first ever apartment and am loving it so far.
Don’t have a migraine today.

Love this for you <3 <3

IUI is getting closer & closer!!!
Found monarch caterpillars in my garden!
I put a pair of giant googly eyes on my refrigerator & cannot stop giggling about it.
Starting going to vocational school after taking a gap year, I feel proud of myself.
Started DuoLingo to prepare for vacation in October, and I’m absolutely loving it. 68 day streak!
Woke up to the birds chirping in the woods after a really long week already.
Moving away has helped me rebuild my relationship with food/cooking.
First day working from home and now I get to spend all day with my dog.
I’m about to move into college! I’m excited for a new beginning :)
After saving for two years, finally had the surgery I needed.
My baby smiled at me for the first time today.
Downloaded a bird identification app and it’s so fun lol.
My sister watered my plants while I was gone & I came back to google eyes in the pots.
Talking with people openly and realising therapy is working and maybe I’ll be OK.
I went to a flower arranging class and loved it.
Went to a playground with a friend and it was pure joy and felt so free.
Just got your cookbook.

<3 <3 <3 <3

I'm at a low in my ed recovery, but when we cook together my bf gives me all of the leftovers so at least I don't have to really think about food. I am so grateful and in love with him.
I passed all of my summer classes with 100%
Excited about a boy who seems equally excited about me for the first time in a long time.
Dogsitting my childhood senior pups next week. Haven’t seen them in over a year.
Deep cleaned the house after a year and a half of depression pile up.
My dog doesn’t have a cancerous tumor!!!!
Getting to see family friends who live out of town. Their oldest is now 7, I was his first babysitter when I was 15. Haven’t seen the parents in 3 years and kids in 4
i’m only 17, and have been dating my bf for just under 6 months (first relationship for both of us), but I love him so much and I can genuinely imagine a future with him. he’s the sweetest, funniest, most loving person I’ve ever met. he’s leaving for college in a week, and I’ll be a senior in hs, but I love him so much that we’ll try to make it work.