"My bf is leaving me to date my boss and I don’t know what to do about it"

and other selected secrets/sparkles

Jun 22, 2023

Hi friends, thank you so much for being here! It means a lot to me. If you enjoy my writing, I’d love it if you’d share A Little Something Sweet with the people you love. I also invite you to upgrade to a paid subscription, which gives you access to my Rom Coms Revisited movie club, exclusive recipes, and other subscribers-only content. Your support of my work allows me to keep creating here and elsewhere. I’m so grateful, xoxo.

remember, in this context:

secrets are the shadowy things that we want to share but might be tempted to hide because of shame/fear/social obligations.
sparkles are the things that make you feel most alive - little moments of joy/satisfaction/contentment that you wish you could bottle up.

click here to submit your own secrets/sparkles anonymously anytime.

loosely defined themes of the week: Father’s Day, hiding ourselves for fear of judgment, cute pets <3

secrets

short & sweet/salty:

I've been engaged for 3 years and counting because the idea of having to perform the role of a bride causes me so much anxiety that I don't want to have a wedding.
After a traumatic miscarriage a few months ago, I think I might be pregnant again, but I’m terrified to take a pregnancy test because I’m scared that I’m just getting my hopes up and that it’ll be negative.
I had an abortion two weeks ago and your page has really helped me get through the unexpected emotional toll it would take on me.

<3 <3 <3 <3

My oldest child came out and my mother responded in such a icky way that affirms to me that i haven't liked my mom for a long time; i hate that my child is losing a grandparent, but happy they have found joy in their identity and safety at home.
The only dr who has believed me with my endometriosis and chronic pain won’t give me the hysterectomy i want and i’m PISSED.
To the person who wrote: “I have a PhD and constantly feel like I don’t know anything at all, even in my field.” SAME! I desperately want to quit but have no idea what I’d do and am terrified of financial instability.
I’m in a long distance relationship and want to visit them but will have to tell my mom about it now because of obligations and I don’t want to. I’m scared of her reaction.
When you don’t have a relationship with your dad, Father’s Day is really hurtful.
Been crazy fever sick for 5 days and I’m so tired of feeling like this (+ doctor didn’t help).
School ends in 2 weeks and I’m already sad about leaving my kindergarteners.
I was at a party last night and I really wanted to hook up with my friend. Still want to.
I have a platonic crush and its making me depressed.
Love my dog but sometimes wish I’d never got him.
I wish the people in my life would notice that I’m really NOT okay and just reach out.
I don’t know if I’ll ever believe I’m worthy of love and care.
Had a weird threesome and the condom broke - very very very scared about pregnancy.
Hate the pressure to post something nice about my father today.
I’m talking to this guy and I have such a great gut feeling.
Partner’s anxiety has taken over our household. Wish they would get on an SSRI.
My dad tried his best and it wasn’t enough. I feel guilty for not feeling celebratory today.
At the point of recovery where I struggle to recognize myself w/out the trauma + masking.
I hate Father’s Day.
My friend is having an affair with her husband’s best friend…torn on telling him.
I think I’ve failed final year uni and won’t graduate.
I’m tired of defending being polyamorous.
I don’t know why sex doesn’t feel as good as my friends said.
A girl from the other side of the world and I have been flirting HARDCORE.
I don’t want to date him but I keep talking as I haven’t had attention like this in 10 years.
Today’s my 35th birthday & it’s the first one I can remember where I haven’t cried.
I hate my dad for how he abused me my mother and my sister. I hope he dies.
I’m 35 and I want to change careers but I’m terrified of starting over again.
I am in the healthiest relationship I’ve been in in years and I’m terrified.
My ex was addicted to porn and it significantly impacted our intimacy.
I felt excited about someone after the breakup for first time and it’s making me anxious.
Shared with a friend that she makes me feel unimportant, thinking it’d be healing. She walked out of the convo.
My dad died 7 years ago. Still dealing with residual guilt over not really missing him.
Wondering whether people will prefer the version of me on ADHD meds vs. me before I started them.
I’m tired of seeing family so often. I always end up leaving feeling worse afterwards.
Adulting is hard. Decided to get myself a ticket to Istanbul and postpone everything. For now.
I left my husband on Father’s Day. Feeling guilty, but know it was the right decision.
My husband has been putting in the effort & change I’ve been asking for for years but I’m worried it’s too late.
Today was really difficult. I really miss my dad. Tomorrow is 10 weeks since his passing, and I feel so lost.
Ended my 7 year relationship and feeling surprisingly hopeful for my future.
My dad would rather cut contact with me than have an awkward conversation/offer an apology.
I’m autistic + job searching. Can’t get past the first interview.
My mom kicked me out 2 years ago but always talks about missing me. It’s hurtful.
My best friend really hurt my feelings and I don’t feel like I can talk to her about it.
I need a hysterectomy at 26 and I’m so sad about it. Didn’t think I even wanted kids.
Sad because my friend decided we’d have a “shared bday party”. I’m a twin and have always shared.
I’m not sure if I believe in my profession anymore. Maybe it’s quackery…
Have a teensy crush but a) I’m moving & b) I love our friend group too much to fuck it up.
Watching my FIL, my husband and son together hurts, esp on Father’s Day.
I’m struggling because of my partner’s mental health.
I let my dog pee on grass lawns, hoping for brown spots because lawns in SoCal are a huge waste.
I’m having a delicious affair after years in a marriage with no sex life.
My marriage is ripping apart at the seams and I’m devastated.
I have nothing in common with my best friend. I’ve grown over the last decade and she has not.
I feel like I’ve failed in every era of my life and I will never catch up.
I move out of my city in 2 weeks and have a mental list of men to sleep w before I go.
My boyfriend broke up with me last week and I don’t want to let go or believe we won’t get back together.
Time is running out to finish my studies and I’m in panicked paralysis about it and hence not doing anything.
A couple years ago I figured out I’m autistic, ADHD, and OCD and while it makes more sense than anything ever has I still have a lot of imposter syndrome feelings.
I know I should go to therapy and that it could help me, but I’m so terrified of it because of my anxiety the thought makes me nauseated :(
I don’t know how to get out of the anxiety spiral that’s ruining my life. I feel like a failure.
I’m 26 and have no idea what to do with my life. I have no career dreams.
I feel like I’m losing control of my life more and more.
My OCD needs my surroundings to be clean but my ADHD and executive dysfunction prevent me from cleaning. I hate it.
I’m ace and have never had sex or an orgasm. I want to have sex with my partner but I’m scared I’ll be unable to enjoy it. I don’t wanna be a disappointment.
I love my animals but they take up most of my time and money. It’s frustrating.
Had the worst 1st pelvic exam experience. Feeling scared and embarrassed.
I’m scared that I’m falling for someone who only likes me because of proximity.
I’m just so tired all the time and my fam doesn’t get it.
I think I’m nonbinary, but I’m afraid to tell anyone, especially my husband.
I thought I was over my ED but I fear it’s coming back.
I’m asking for a raise and I’m nervous but deserving!
My first love came back into my life after 8 years and claims to love me again (always has).
My partner is leaving for 4 months. Scared he will not want me once he’s back.
I’m taking a big leap into my art and it’s terrifying but I’m free of the men who held me back.
Hooking up with a guy I can’t stand just so I’m not alone.
Starting to fall for someone I’m dating but I’m scared of being with the same person forever.
I hooked up with my friend and apparently he had a gf at the time.
I know I’m getting fired today and I’m so numb.
My dad ditched my mom to take their trip of a lifetime alone. He has no remorse.
I’m a runner with a stubborn injury and it’s so hard to celebrate my friends running rn.
I found my sister’s husband on my dating app.
I’m 5 months pregnant and the “sperm donor” still isn’t taking responsibility.
S/O got a vasectomy (together decision) but now sometimes I think I want a baby.
I really like a guy who’s 8y younger and I can’t help but think it’s not okay to like him.

long-form:

I am 31 years old and I am still a virgin. I gave my first kiss when I was 21 years old and I cried before because it wasn't with the guy I was in love at the time but I was so ashame for being 21 and nobody ever kissed me ever. I still feel ashame for never having a boyfriend because I'm scared of doing wrong things and scare the guy away. (Like kissing badly).
Sometimes I fear my partner doesn’t love me anymore and I don’t know if it’s my all my anxiety and abandonment issues. We’re long distance and when we’re together it feels great, but when we’re apart he’s often so distant. Maybe it’s both of our undiagnosed neurodivergencies sabotaging each other idk …
I did in november of last year a big surgery on my chin, I was prognathous but I never really bother until I was older, and now I feel so much prettier and so much better and I wonder if my chin was something that got in a way for me never to have a boyfriend in my life.
5 days ago i had an abortion. i've been having dreams about me and my bf holding a kids hand, sometimes a boy other times a girl. there's no explanation about whose kid it is but i know its ours. i have no regret about my abortion. it was painful, it was sad, i felt punished. but it was worth it. i'm in no place to be a parent, at least not yet. ironically, one thing i know now for sure is i do want to have children. i've been feeling baby sick, don't know if you can call it that way. i've been wondering what would my life be like with a baby. i turned 30 a week before my abortion happened. when i first found out i was pregnant i had a panic attack. it was no desire of mine for this to happen. i felt sick the whole week, both my mind and body. i was safe. found a doctor that guided each and every step. my bf was with me the whole time, answering my every need, being strong for the both of us. i had a couple of friends taking care of me too. as hours went by 12 pills went down my throat, i was feeling better. or at least my body was. i still feel pregnant. my body changed, i suddenly have boobs and im eating my pain away. i feel like having sex. i'm fucked. i know i did the right thing but why do i feel this as a loss? how can i make this go away? what am i feeling?

Thank you for sharing this with us - your description sounds very similar to how I felt during my own abortion experience. All of these complex feelings are absolutely allowed to coexist! Sending you so much love.

sparkles

short & sweet:

Recently started seeing a pelvic floor therapist for my painful sex issues i've had since i first started having sex years ago. only wish i had done it way sooner! i feel so seen and validated :')
Tried weed for the first time and had the best, most incredible, life-changing sex ever!
Took a pregnancy test this morning and I’m not pregnant.
Won a “lottery” to get super cheap tickets to see Six for the first time.
I got wordle on my first guess today!
I just picked out my office at my first job as a therapist!
My sister is graduating middle school! I’m so proud of her.
Friends coaching me through texting a guy who shocker isn’t the one.
Cleaned for solstice today and my date is coming over!!!!
Left a v toxic work environment/boss and taking time off for anniv of my moms passing PAID.
Recently diagnosed with autism and WOW my life suddenly makes sense!!
I finally feel like I’m willing to take the risks I need in order to grow and fulfill my potential.
Made two pies for a special little friend gathering! Everyone loved them.
I started reading again after a looooonnngggg period of time.
Started formal complaint against my harasser and the officials are being v helpful :)
The sun is FINALLY out in San Diego!
After a traumatic miscarriage earlier this year, I found out that I’M PREGNANT!!!
Convinced a friend to join me for a lakeside 6:30am yoga class yesterday!
Actively looking for and practicing gratitude today.
Learning to let go of things that hurt me.
I gave a spontaneous speech on world refugee day & people loved it.
In love with my crush and it is mutual :)
Taking the dogs for a lovely, long walk together after a bad fight <3
Realised I’m better off without the person I thought I needed, finally choosing me.
Someone asked if I had worked in the service industry (I have) b/c I was so kind to them.
My therapy is being so GOOD for me and I am happy :)
I ended a very unhealthy friendship and feel so much lighter and happier.
I started taking on more tasks at my new job and it has been incredibly fulfilling.
I met my cousins baby again today <3
I baked bread for the boy I’m dating, and focaccia for my sister
I got a promotion for my job and I’m actually enjoying it!!!
My foster cat is mid glow up.
Tomorrow is finally my last day of school and this teacher is excited!!!
I’m dating the big love of my life, and everyday I’m more and more sure of it.
My mom is getting a puppy and I’m going to visit in July!
I showered today (something I find very challenging)!!!!

Amazing job!!

Flying across the country to see my best friend AND go to Noah Kahan together <3
My boyfriend bought me groceries because he knew I was struggling <3
It’s the anniversary of my girlfriend’s & my first date tomorrow.
I finally landed the perfect job for me I think, it feels right in every way including the people!
My arm pain is not nerve damage! I am just a tense little bunny!
Renting my first apartment and starting a new job!!
Been on bad terms with my best friend for the last yr. but today we hungout for 4 hours and are slowly getting back to normal.
Got a new job, quit my old job, so happy.
Finally got my long suspected ADHD diagnosis at 28 and can start figuring things out a little better.
I realised that I am really happy being single right now.
My partner proved to be so present in hardship, I love him even more.
Planning my best friends birthday this week.
Just got a job.

long-form:

I, a previously believed straight woman, am dating a woman, it’s amazing! I have always thought I was straight. It’s only until recently, in the past year or so, I started to truly question it. After therapy and talking, I decided that if I was going to dive in to the lady dating pool I was going to cannonball. Went out to lesbian bars, downloaded Hinge, I am now on my fourth date with the same woman…and I like her. More than I have liked anyone. And I am so excited for whatever happens next! I’m not sure if I’m bi/pan/lesbian. All I know is…I like her. A LOT.
Making solid (yet slow) progress in working through my trauma in therapy. I thought I was stagnating but my therapist reminded me that I used to not even be able to face those memories, but now I am acknowledging them and working through them. They still hurt but I can challenge those thoughts and feelings and they won’t control me anymore.