Lost a zip up jacket on spring break and have cried multiple times over it as if I’ve lost a pet.

and other selected secrets/sparkles

OK I 100% get the jacket thing because I lost a soft gray sweater on NYE 2014 and I still think about it.

remember, in this context:

• secrets are the shadowy things that we want to share but might be tempted to hide because of shame/fear/social obligations.

• sparkles are the things that make you feel most alive - little moments of joy/satisfaction/contentment that you wish you could bottle up.

click here to submit your own secrets/sparkles anonymously anytime.

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loosely defined themes of the week: mixed feelings, honesty, hope

secrets

short & sweet/salty:

I had two abortions in my twenties. I don’t regret them one bit. Running into fertility issues now (unrelated), and my MIL had the audacity to say women become infertile from having abortions. Ugh.

I am so, sorry you’re dealing with this hurtful and 100% not true shit from your MIL, on top of the fertility issues. Please know that I’m so proud of you. And that I can’t stand your MIL.

I haven't worked in 5 months and I'm really depressed.

I’m MOH in my bff’s wedding this year, &I love her so much and I’m so happy for her, but sometimes it hurts to watch her plan a wedding w/ so much more money and loving family than I’ve ever had. I’m just tired of being the broke orphan friend.

I’m an RN and I hate my job. Fully regret choosing this career.

I’m miserable in my relationship but we live together and she refuses to see the problems.

I need to get a job but I kind of just want to legitimately do only fans instead.

I am planning to lie to escape my best friend’s baby shower because I don’t like her mum.

I GOT ENGAGED.

Grief from recurrent pregnancy loss is exhausting and seemingly never ending.

I don’t know what I want to do with my life & I’m scared of finding out but also so tired.

I think about my ex when I have sex with my boyfriend.

I haven’t had a bf in 10 years and I’m terrified that I’m running out of time, I’m 33.

I love my husband but we’re in the roommate phase and I hate it.

I have a surface level relationship with my parents that I’m unhappy with but I’m scared to let go.

I just submitted a story to a magazine for the first time and I’m really nervous if they’ll like it.

Didn’t get into grad school and too embarrassed to tell my friends.

I have a bf but I had a meet cute with someone else.

I’ve been rejected from my dream company 3 times and cannot bring myself to apply again.

All 3 of my work besties are suddenly single and I’m OVERWHELMED.

Kinda triggered after my sister’s bachelorette party, feeling shame over still being a virgin :/

My embryo transfer was this past Thursday. I’m very excited, but so incredibly scared.

Finally have my dream job with an amazing boss and scared I’m going to fuck it up.

I only still talk to my ex bc I like the attention.

My brother is falling into the alt-right pipeline and idk how to stop it.

I’ve been unemployed 9 months and it feels impossible to find a job. I feel worthless.

I have dermatillomania (skin picking disorder) and only my bf knows.

2day would be my due date after an abortion. Feel so free, but also a little sad.

I don’t want an “adult” job. I’m tired of pretending to play a character that society expects.

I need to get a gum graft surgery from brushing my teeth too hard and I’m pissed abt it.

BF moved in a month ago, haven’t told my parents bc it went badly the last time I lived with SO.

My ex and I miss each other. My friends hate him now. I hate that I resent them for it…

I tripped and fell in front of a bunch of strangers on st pat’s & am still so embarrassed.

If it makes you feel better, earlier this week Otis knocked me literally to the ground in front of a door dash driver and then jumped in his car.

My dad died 3 years ago and I still don’t feel grief. He was a bad father but I don’t feel guilty.

I’m so mad at my husband for making us sell our home and move.

Fighting the urge to change my entire life.

Started a triad with my partner and my best friend and I feel like I finally found myself.

I haven’t hooked up with anyone since January and I miss it so much. I can’t do casual sex anymore so now I’m just frustrated.

I want nothing more than to disconnect from everything and be lost in the woods.

I have to have a D&E on Wednesday and I’m terrified.

Sending you love today.

I’m scared to get back together with my ex but I still love her.

I have dreams abt my ex bf & I hate them bc they’re so high school lusty. I love my spouse.

My best friends overdosed and I don’t know if or when I’ll ever see them again.

I really hate being pregnant.

Struggling to limit my time on social media, it’s hurting my mental health.

I struggle with this too, and the Opal app has helped me a lot.

I found the instagram of my 2nd cousin who I've never actually met. I followed her but haven't worked up the nerve to actually reach out and introduce myself. She seems really sweet and I wish we could be friends.

My husband and I are going to start fertility treatments for baby #2, but I'm really disappointed we weren't able to conceive it "naturally" this time. We needed fertility treatments the first time, too.

I think I need a divorce. My husband realized he wants kids. I never did/still don’t.

I think I may be grey-ace.

My career feels stalled and I have no idea how to get where I want to go.

Me too, friend! I’m trying to remind myself that we’re all figuring it out as we go and there are so many good paths.

Had a medical problem this week my bff never checked in and sent me a “whoops” text.

Discovered that newest friend is a sweetheart & has crush on me…so I think I’m bi.

My job is dumb. I’m like the Millennial Mother of 5 other millennials and 15 Gen Z kids.

My master’s program is absolutely killing me.

My friend is dating my ex. He’s a much better boyfriend to her than he was to me.

I’m afraid I’ll always be struggling financially.

Having an IUI this week after two years of neg. pregnancy tests, I freaking HOPE it works!!

I’m halfway done with college in a week and I’m terrified for the future.

I met someone amazing but he wants kids and that’s not my plan.

Starting a new relationship and feeling hopeful but still anxious.

I had an abortion almost 1 year ago. Still haven’t told anyone.

I am so happy. That’s so new to me haha.

I think a guy I used to date is cheating on his current gf and it makes me sad.

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sparkles

short & sweet:

I made a pie crust for the first time! I was intimidated but it turned out tasty!

Seeing a new guy who openly tells me he likes me. No games being played. Bliss.

I love this for you <3

I finally have a cat and every time I look at her my heart explodes.

I had my baby last week and she is currently napping on my chest, skin to skin.

Cruel Summer is on the eras tour set list.

Buying jeans that fit you instead of making yourself fit into jeans.

I filed my taxes for the first time as a small business owner + it was not as bad as I thought!

Today is opening night of the show I’m in!

My husband being SO excited that my sister is proposing to her gf. I love his love for her.

I got into my top choice grad school <3.

When my 3 y.o. nephew sees me, his face lights up and he shouts my name & runs towards me for a hug.

Just got a job in London!! Big move coming up!

I’m slowly falling back in love with writing again I’ve missed this feeling.

I went to bed at 8pm last night, normally I don’t sleep until 12.

Grandparents popped round last night - good to see them well after their health scares.

I finally have time to deep clean my apartment and I’m so happy about it. Clean environment clean mind.

I’m 5 weeks pregnant and told everybody.

Congratulations!! <3

Been doing a lot of kissing. a LOT.

For the first time in four years my streak on Duolingo is consistent.

I had my first kiss & it’s with my best friend’s cousin who I’ve had a little crush on forever.

I’m getting a hysterectomy on Thursday! I’ve wanted this for 24 years, since I was 15.

The feeling of not having plans this weekend.

Husband and kids eating dinner on the porch. The giggles!! Dreamy.

My sister sent me delicious doughnuts as a surprise.

I finally got the right treatment for my asthma and can continue playing roller derby!

Watching my pup play in the park with the first sunshine we’ve had in months.

Hubs & I finally had vaginal sex 9 months postpartum. The fucking best. No more pain!

My cat greets me at the door after work and rubs against my legs. I love him so much.

My Bluey shirt came in the mail and I’m excited about it! I’m 29!

Finding the perfect birthday gift for my mom.

I just got my dream job!!

Made my friend ur oatmeal choco chip cookies and her kids said they’re the best ever.

I am about to hit one month of exercising near daily for the first time in my life!

My therapist said she was proud of me.

Rainy day cookie baking.

Reconnected with a friend today and we both felt some color return to our lives after.

Finally have a negative pregnancy test 6 weeks after my abortion.

I asked someone on a date and they said yes.

My tennis coach told me I was a good tennis player.

Got to make our annual pilgrimage to New Orleans for the first time in 3 years!

I quit my job!

Took a ferry ride with an old friend.

Started working out with a personal trainer and just crushed workout #3. Feeling strong.

Picking spring flowers with my 2 yr. old.

long-form:

When I was diagnosed with bipolar, my mom told me to never tell anyone about it because people think so badly of it. Now, she's so proud of me for sharing my writing about my experiences with psych hospitalization, ECT, etc. and tells me my words are helping other people.

xoxo,

your favorite becca

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things that permanently live at the bottom of my posts:

Submit your secrets/sparkly moments here.

If you need help accessing abortion care, click here or here.

Grab a copy of my choose-your-own-adventure cookbook, Baking by Feel, here!