"i truly hate working. my dream is to be a stay home dog mom."

and other selected secrets/sparkles

Sep 01, 2023

Hi friends, thank you so much for being here! It means a lot to me. If you enjoy my writing, I’d love it if you’d share A Little Something Sweet with the people you love. I also invite you to upgrade to a paid subscription, which gives you access to my Rom Coms Revisited movie club, exclusive recipes, and other subscribers-only content. Your support of my work allows me to keep creating here and elsewhere. I’m so grateful, xoxo.

remember, in this context:

secrets are the shadowy things that we want to share but might be tempted to hide because of shame/fear/social obligations.
sparkles are the things that make you feel most alive - little moments of joy/satisfaction/contentment that you wish you could bottle up.

click here to submit your own secrets/sparkles anonymously anytime.

This is 2 weeks of secrets/sparkles at once! I promise it’s worth it.

loosely defined themes of the week: All of our different timelines, kitties, ghosting

secrets

short & sweet/salty:

Just finished IUI #6 and it doesn’t look promising. I’m exhausted and deflated.
Haven’t been in a relationship that’s lasted past 6 months, feels like I’ll never find someone.
My parents make each other miserable and sometimes I wish they would just get divorced.
I hate watching my roomie get into a relationship that’s bad for her and I can’t say anything.
I am so sick of having family visit postpartum and want everyone to leave.
Trying to fall back in love with my cheating husband - I miss what we used to have.
Feeling really depressed about being a mom/like I don’t measure up.
Wasn’t invited to my best friend’s bday. I was working, but would have come after :/
Turning 35 and struggling with feeling “old” even though I’ve always been excited to age.
Infertility is the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. The grief is constant.
I have so many blessings and such a good life but I’m never happy and I feel guilty about it.
Really finding it hard to keep my spending under control.
My baby fell from the bed last week and I’m still reliving it in my brain - anxiety is killing me.
I feel so isolated for still caring about covid.
I’ve thought about starting over…again.
I’m disappointed that all the people in my master’s cohort are 10+ years younger than me.
Love my job but just found out coworkers were talking shit ab me behind my back.
I’m absolutely terrified my husband will formally ask for a divorce soon.
I desperately want my cheating ex back. If he texted me I would take him in a heartbeat.
My best friend is being a crappy best friend and idk what to do about it.
I feel like something is missing in life.
Just moved into my college and I’m afraid my decision to go here was a mistake.
Not rly a secret but I’m watching my dad die of ALS and it’s devastating.
I’m going to become a doctor in a few months and sometimes I wonder if it was a mistake.
My fiance called me an 8 and a half and I don’t want to be with him anymore because of it.
I’m so mad my dad has memory issues - it’s so hard not to take being forgotten personally.
I got covid AGAIN and it sucks because I was finally ok being fully back in the world.
I’m queer. Why did I have to figure this out when I’m nearly 30? It’s a little overwhelming.
Sometimes I eat spoonfuls of plain sugar straight out of the bag and I love it too much.
I don’t think there’s a single person in my life that I don’t resent.
I think my best friend and I are breaking up and it sucks but it also feels like growth.
I’m scared I won’t find a job. I’ve been unemployed and stressed about it for a year now.
I am dreading my wedding. I want to marry my partner but planning & family are draining.
I’m sick of hearing about my friend’s marital issues.
I was ghosted for the first time in March and I’m still sad.
My best friend drove 12 hours to see other friends instead of 12 hours to meet my first child.
I’m afraid to see someone about my ADHD bc I’m afraid I’ll get gaslit by the doc.
I might be falling in love with my summer fling. My divorce isn’t even final yet.
My lil brother is becoming a dad and I hate that we are not young wild and free anymore.
I drunk called my ex last night and I regret it.
My period is 5 days late.
Told my best friend I loved him 3 years ago and he shot me down. I just found out he has a gf and I’m heartbroken ab it. It’s been so long so idk why.
I don’t love my boyfriend’s dog nearly as much as he loves mine.
I hate my job :( it’s an open secret tho lmfao.
I truly hate working. My dream is to be a stay home dog mom.
Dating a man with erectile dysfunction that’s in denial. It’s making me resentful and sad.
I’ve only dated men and have no idea how to approach a lesbian relationship (in my 30’s)
I’m struggling to move on from my toxic boss. I have a new job with great people but still feel her constant judgment.
I’m in rehab but getting high every night.
I am so so so lonely.
I think a friend of mine who is married is my soulmate.
The family I married into makes me feel incredibly insecure.
Best friend tried to kiss me on a work trip. We’re both married. I can’t stop thinking about it.
Meeting up w/ my ex in a week and all I want is to get back together w/ his tall Aquarius ass.
I’m still bitter about a guy who ghosted me 7 years ago even tho I’m happily married.
I’d rather smoke weed & masturbate instead of going out.
Extremely happy and extremely anxious that my partner is exploring ENM with other women; I feel left out even though I have no interest in dating.
i wish i could be a more active participant in my niece and nephew's lives (and i feel guilty for not doing so), but they live so far away and i really don't like my sister in law.
I’m pregnant after two losses in the last year and my family all just got Covid (for the first time) I’m nervous it will affect the pregnancy.

long-form:

This week ON THE SAME DAY, I was offered a new job and lost the house we were trying to buy. So many mixed feelings. It’s difficult to accept the house as something that just wasn’t meant for us :( and haven’t yet been able to focus on the joy of the new job, getting me away from a job that has destroyed my mental health over the last 18 months, as I am still feeling the loss of what we thought was our forever home. Trying to allow myself time to rest and feel all the emotions.
Estrangement is not easy, but it is necessary. Although it's been nine years since I cut off contact with my father & his second wife (my stepmother), I wish I had done it sooner. I put up with so much s*** over the years. Never again.
So this goes without saying, I’m struggling with depression, anxiety, and extremely low self-esteem. Don’t worry, I am getting professional help.
One of the things we’ve been working on is core assumptions I have about myself, good and bad, what informs them and challenging them. I’ve been trying to be really brave about it and dig deep. One of the things I got told pejoratively growing up was that I was being dramatic or over-dramatic. That was one of things I talked about with my therapist, and we kinda reframed it to I react with sensitivity to things. Anyhow, fast forward to tonight. I (31) live at home, as does my little sister (24). My Mom was having an allergic reaction to the neighbors dog, and I was worried about her breathing—especially as she slept. I mentioned I planned to check on her in the night. Both she and my sister were like you don’t need to do that, she’ll be fine—which they don’t know. My Mom pay enough attention to her health and prioritizing it. She already has respiratory issues, and she’s never reacted to a dog before—so we don’t know what to expect. They all have a history of not taking me seriously on health stuff—when COVID started, when my Mom fell and hit and cut her head and I had to call in my cousin to convince her to go to urgent care because no one would listen to me. Anyway, my Mom kinda shooed us upstairs, and as we were parting ways my sister said something like “You’re just being dramatic. You’re just doing this to feel needed and stir up drama.” And it cut to the quick. So I said “That really hurts my feelings,” but unfortunately my voice broke when I said it which didn’t make me sound not-dramatic. She dissolved in laughter. It just drove home so much—that they don’t share my concerns or trust my judgement (even though I’m usually right), that this is something they say about me when I’m not around, that they think I cause drama (I hate drama—I practically only watch Hallmark because the stakes are so low), and that with all that seeming true—they can’t possibly like me, even if they like who they think I am, they don’t know me. We’re a nice close-knit family. I prioritize family above everything else. If my family doesn’t know me or like me, I have no one. I’m struggling at work. I’m an after thought to my friends. Anyway, I’m here in my bedroom trying to cry quietly as not to be accused of being dramatic again. I don’t know what to do.

sparkles

short & sweet:

My first day of college starts tmr and I’m really excited!
Just set up an appointment to get my tubes removed <3 no more worries - I feel complete.
I was told by my new someone that they are falling in love with me.
I’m almost done writing a book proposal.
So happy i got my iud.
My office is unionizing and I can’t wait for leadership to find out when we file.
Listening to 1989 while writing my postgrad diss.
Overheard boss talking abt me…I’m the “intergalactic queen” of training and team coaching/support.
I finally found a migraine med that works and doesn’t give me awful side effects!!

Omg, so so happy for you!!

Cat’s gotcha day 6th anni, so he got his fav treat - fried chicken tenders from Popeyes.
I moved in with my boyfriend and we spent a whole day decorating for Halloween!
Falling slep to the rain and having a pup in each arm.
Just found out my partner passed the Bar Exam yay.
I met up with a friend I haven’t seen in years and it felt so good.
Getting back on my rodeo horse after a bad accident and he was perfect for me.
First therapy appointment ever went so well yesterday!!
It’s mine and my partners 6 year anniversary today and I’m so full of love for them!
I’m feeling the good vibes.
I’m starting to feel sexy in my newly-gained-weight body, these curves killlll.
It’s my birthday!!!!
I’m finally getting access to meds again! It makes me feel so hopeful and optimistic.
The person in front of me at the campus coffee shop paid for my tea.
I got kitties this week <3
My order from Fable (the dish company) is coming today!!!
Had a fight with my partner that ended in a healthy reconciliation :) we’re so much stronger now.
Analysis I’ve been fighting with all last week is finally running!!!
My son’s face lit up when he saw his teacher from last year in the store. Teachers are so amazing.
My morning class got canceled.
I can’t believe how well it’s going with my date.
Didn’t feel anxious in class today.
Reconnecting with friends & being featured in 2(!) photo dumps.
Love my new job!!
I have been really burnt out but today I had motivation to clean and it is giving my hope.
I received really bad news and cried hysterically in my car in the grocery store parking lot. In store, little boy asked my name & held the most adorable convo w me & made me :)
My daughter got her first tooth, took her first steps, and said her first word this past week.
I bought my first car.
Spent 3 hours today chatting with my coworkers who’s probs 30yrs older than me, <3 her.
Held a delightfully round chubby baby rolls today!!!
I found a candle that I really love on clearance and now I have five of them on deck.
I finally met someone who loves me exactly as I am!
My best friend came over today to help me clean my depression room and cook dinner.
A friend sent me a link to an article that made them think of me, I teared up.
My best friend flew across the country to surprsie me for my birthday.
Crocheting my first sweater and it’s looking amazing so far! Can’t wait to wear it this fall.
I set boundaries for something. It was scary and I felt guilty but I know it is progress and growth.
Applying for a puppy from the shelter.
I got a new kitten! Her name is Peanut and she’s a sweet little calico.
I’m adopting a dog!!!
Spending a week alone with my daughter <3
Celebrated my 10 year abortionversary with a batch of homemade cupcakes!
Feeling lonely after a big move, but met someone nice at a coffee shop!
Thinking of starting a crochet club and I’m excited!
I made sure my partner had the best birthday ever.
Told a girl on the street I <3 her jeans, she replied ‘and I love you’ without missing a beat.
I got a pedicure and the nail tech complimented my fingernails that I did myself!
I set firm boundaries and have kept to them, even with a ton of pushback!
I didn’t go to class today. The happiness of taking a day off is unreal.
I’m going to Vegas for the first time this weekend.
My dad’s tumor is benign and no surgery needed. Finally some good news for him.
I just finished the Pacific Crest Trail!
I’ve decided to enroll in a course for a language I’ve always wanted to learn <3
I ended a relationship that no longer served me even though it was difficult.
My best friend just transferred to my college today.
High school flame texted me to come visit after bailing on me for yearsss and I told him no.
Starting my grad program and feeling really grateful and excited to be here.
Started drawing again after a 3 month mental block <3
Back to work after maternity leave and love it. Miss my kids but really missed adult convos!
My ex texted me and I left him on read!
My baby girl is going to be here in a week.
I spent the whole afternoon tending to my garden and I have no regrets! 2 bouquets for my efforts!
My roommate’s mom made us brownies :)
Fired a toxic client because no amount of money is worth being stressed to the max.
I got out of bed today! Fuck u depression!

Love this for you <3 <3 <3

Long distance best friend came to meet me during a Midwest work trip.
My son (turns 4 tmrw) and I dueting Como La Flor in the bathroom this evening.
I faced my needle phobia today and got blood work done!
4 w postpartum with my nicu baby and starting to find a new groove.
I made sure my partner had the best birthday ever.