"i knew on my honeymoon my marriage wouldn’t last"
and other selected secrets
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remember, in this context:
secrets are the shadowy things that we want to share but might be tempted to hide because of shame/fear/social obligations.
sparkles are the things that make you feel most alive - little moments of joy/satisfaction/contentment that you wish you could bottle up.
click here to submit your own secrets/sparkles anonymously anytime.
loosely defined themes of the week: wanting and not wanting children, anti-capitalism, therapy
secrets
short & sweet/salty:
I really want to know what my singer/songwriter ex wrote about me in all his new songs but I’m too afraid to listen. Also his music sucks.
I’ve been married for 16 years and I’m currently a student. I have a huge crush on a classmate.
I’m taking a pole dancing class this weekend I’m terrified I’ll make a fool of myself.
I just faked being sick so I could leave work early.
I sometimes wonder if my husband and toddler would be better off without me.
I might like the boy who likes me back.
I’m moving and I can’t wait to be somewhere where I know no one.
Waited so long for my bf to get on board with getting married that I’m not sure I want to anymore.
I think I might be pregnant and I’m scared. *(pardon this interruption to recommend All-Options Talkline)*
My close friends boyfriend has been flirting with me and I entertain it.
I’ve felt left out no matter what my whole life and I’m scared it will never get better.
In a relationship for 7yrs. We haven’t had sex since late 2022.
My sister is pregnant. She’s 8 months sober & I’m feeling so many emotions. Excited & scared.
I work at a college and have several interns and I guarantee I do more drugs than they do.
I’m trying to start a nonprofit and so excited but it just feels like I’m making no progress.
Started my first IVF cycle today. Excited but nauseatingly nervous.
Almost 40, diagnosed with ADHD. Doc prescribed adderall. Don’t know how to feel.
My bf and I are engaged and planning a wedding but we’re not telling our families until it’s “official”( have the ring) and it’s eating me alive trying not to spill the beans.
Everyone loves my husband except me.
I’m pregnant and I’m bursting at the seams to tell someone other than my husband!
I start therapy tomorrow after a 10 year hiatus. I am low grade panicked on if we will get along.
I have no idea how I’m going to afford child care once the baby comes.
On a break-ish. Working on it. She was on tinder while laying on me bc thought I was asleep.
I saved for 10+ years to buy a house and I regret it. I’ve never felt more financially insecure.
I’m in an outpatient program and I have a crush on another patient - first crush in years!
I have a really hard time loving my mother in law.
I’m pregnant and so far only my husband knows!
I’ve wanted to call it quits on life since my grandma died last year.
Just started a new job and am not sure I made the right decision.
Just had a baby, feeling some regret because I miss my old life. Hoping this will change.
I married my gf on leap day! No one in our lives know but our therapists.
I got my dream job 3 years ago and am counting down until my last day bc I’m miserable.
I have no close friends and it only sort of bothers me.
If I can get a job with my fave 501c3, I’ll have to move out of the city I love. I’m torn.
Worried moving in with my boyfriend next week will ruin our relationship.
I have a crush on my ex.
I left my job 3 weeks ago, not sure where to go next. Rest first I suppose.
My brother gets a baby and I hate that it will change everything in our family.
I low key wish my husband’s vasectomy will malfunction and I got pregnant. I’m 48.
I’m enjoying my child free life!
I low key hate my partner’s family but I would never say that out loud.
My IBS is awful the last two days and I’m either not eating or eating trigger foods.
I’m mad my sister is pregnant at the worst time, nothing in her life is together.
I (a bi woman) wish I’d slept with more women before meeting my boyfriend.
I am so scared to move on from college after graduation.
I got a mole removed but it was actually an HPV wart. I’m 30 and I have only had 1 sex partner.
I want to leave my boyfriend so bad but. I feel bad he will have to go back to his parents at 28.
I’m pregnant and nervous to tell my sister because it’s a journey she wants for herself.
I hate my in laws so much I wish my husband would go no contact with them.
I miss my ex and it’s going to be a year since we broke up. I feel like I’m never going to love again.
I don’t like my friends anymore.
Left a relationship with no intimacy. Super scared of future encounters now and feeling crazy insecure.
I should have it all together. I’m 52. My kids are grown, good job. I’m still struggling at life.
My mom is being tested for cancer and I’m feeling so angry.
I’m moving to Norway but can’t tell anyone yet.
I think I have a drinking problem but it might just be OCD.
I want to leave my family and start a completely new life.
I’m getting divorced and I’m more sad about losing my house than my spouse.
I’m terrified to have children but also fear regretting not having them.
I worry I chose the wrong career path.
Having a miscarriage, no one knows I was pregnant. I’m sad.
Had an abortion in the Netherlands at week 12.
Taking IUD out soon to start trying for baby - hard secret to keep.
I’m so desperate for a relationship but I feel like I’m never going to get the
I’ll never speak to my family again when my grandma dies & I don’t feel guilty about it.
I am spiraling into a depression phase and I am on the very edge of the cliff.
My partner and I want to elope but getting married without my mom there may actually kill her.
If I had $150k I could ask him to leave. He would be a good ex/coparent. But I don’t so I can’t.
Low key a lil angry that my sister is pregnant AGAIN while I can’t conceive.
I want the guy who dumped me back so bad but can’t say it out loud cause all the inner work I am doing in therapy.
Everyone thinks I’m fine. Living in poverty with chronic illness. Crying most days. No hope.
I got my first bad review at work, the week before my 40th birthday. Feels like life is over.
I slept with my ex tonight out of grief over my friend’s death.
Two of my best friends are pregnant and I am so excited to be a gauntie!! No one knows yet.
I’m up for a big job but I’d have to move & leave my friends so I haven’t told them yet.
Exploring poly, have met a wonderful secondary partner and feeling all of the happy.
I got someone fired after they posted nasty stuff in a fb group that I screenshot & sent to their boss.
I desperately don’t want to go to my friend’s child’s birthday party.
I was the one who wanted a second child, now I’m pregnant and I don’t want to be/regrets.
My mom is making my c-ptsd diagnosis about her.
My in laws suck and make me almost fully regret my marriage.
It’s been 3 years and I’m still in love with my friend. I wish there was a pill that could take it away.
I’m getting a breast lift and terrified of how the scars will look.
Imposter syndrome is hitting so hard it makes me want to avoid events with my friends.
Sometimes I intentionally do a bad job at work because I hate the capitalist greed of my bosses.
I’m very career oriented and it’s taking a toll on my relationship.
I can’t stand my best friend’s husband and I’m worried it’s going to ruin our friendship.
I’m in love with my boss and I don’t know if I should tell him.
I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone.
I’m pregnant again after a miscarriage and I’m terrified it’s going to happen again.
Married but I have a crush on my coworker.
I feel like no one will ever understand my culture or experience as a refugee.
I never want kids.
I hate my sister’s husband and hope they’ll get divorced.
I sexted someone who has a gf and I feel bad about it.
Recently got laid off and contemplating starting an Only Fans.
My psych said my depression is starting to go into remission but I can’t seem to believe her.
Waiting on possible skin cancer results and sometimes I’m fine and sometimes I’m very not fine.
I’m in a sexually liberated era and loving it.
I’ve been off bc for a year and haven’t gotten pregnant, starting to worry.
I have crushes on everyone. It’s like being a 37 year old teenager.
I’m going to take meds for my anxiety and I’m kind of scared but excited to find me again.
Had my first threesome at the weekend & absolutely loved it.
My coworker told me he resents my success & it actually really hurt.
I called my mom out for gaslighting me today and it felt a little mean but also relieving.
Just realizing I’ve wasted years being a man’s back up plan and I feel so stupid.
I think I want to be a housewife but it makes me feel like a bad feminist.
I hate being pregnant.
I keep getting rejected by men.
I wish I wasn’t a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding.
I want my husband to go back to therapy.
Me and my bf of 12 years are having a sexual renaissance!
My mat leave is over soon. I want to be a SAHM, but my family relies on my income.
Finally pregnant with our first baby after trying for almost 2 years.
Mothering a toddler while weathering the first trimester is really fucking hard.
I’m 36 and I’ve never had an orgasm. I’m scared I never will.
New bf gave me the nicest birthday card of my life.
I’m on the ballot today and kinda hoping I don’t win.
I just reported my boss to HR for sexual harassment. Idk how to feel.
It’s a boy.
I use my chronic illness to get out of work often.
My mom got diagnosed with stage one breast cancer but I’m still so anxious about it.
I drink caffeine even though medically I’m not supposed to.
I met a guy I really like but I’m scared the other shoe will drop.
I wish I didn’t go to medical school.
I’m 38, single and def want kids and don’t know how to make it happen.
I have a crush on a girl but I don’t know how to tell her or if she is even gay.
I’m 30, married to a wonderful man, and financially stable, and I still chose to have an abortion. It was our first pregnancy. We are so glad we did.
long-form:
I’ve been slowly accepting some things about myself (neurodivergence etc) and realizing that I genuinely love myself as I am. I’ve also been realizing that I’ve managed to accumulate friends throughout my life who a) see me for who I am, including things that it’s taken me a long time to accept about myself, and b) love me for who I am. And in spite of all of that acceptance and love, from myself and my friends, I have this really deep fear that I’m never going to find that in a non-platonic relationship. It’s this weird bittersweet feeling of being incredibly loved and yet wanting more and feeling selfish for wanting more.
A few weeks ago, I broke my tailbone. While at the hospital, I found out that I was pregnant; it wasn’t planned. Despite everything being pro choice my entire life, I have never felt as ashamed as I did when I terminated the pregnancy. Ever since, I have become even more attuned to the pro-birth culture that surrounds me, and I hate everything about it. I cry every day.
one final secret and some of the responses
I wish I could give this person a hug and tell them that everything will be okay. Sooo many people have it and they’ll still be able to have a killer sex life and social life (if that’s what they want) and it’s alllllll good.
If it’s possible, can you share with this person that they’re going to be okay!! Herpes is an incredibly stigmatized condition. The stigma comes from puritanical and sex-negative beliefs pushed upon us by the patriarchy. I have had herpes for about 9 years, and it is really no big deal!! When I was single, I made sure to tell partners outright, before engaging, sex, that I had it. They all still wanted to proceed! They can get some valocyclavir (valtrex) from their doctor and keep it on hand to shorten the duration and severity of future outbreaks. But the biggest thing is that they’re going to be fine!!!
Been there. Had no idea. Probably had 2-3 breakouts before I finally had it checked out.
I did too, 2 years ago! It gets better.
Ugh, I feel this…It’s terrifying, I was diagnosed when I was 18…I’m 35 now, just had a baby with someone who loves me regardless of my status…I wish this person would know it’s going to be okay!!
I’ve been there, it gets better <3.
I’m a women’s healthcare provider. Hsv is not a big deal and won’t ruin your life. You can take meds to treat or prevent outbreaks. 60-90% of adults will test positive by blood work for hsv, aka many people were exposed but asymptomatic. You may never have another outbreak. And if you do, it’s treatable. Hugs to you.
Heart going out to this person. It gets better <3.
Oh no they shouldn’t spiral!! It’s not a big deal really. So many people have it!
xoxo,
your favorite becca
things that permanently live at the bottom of my posts:
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