Four sleeps til pub day!

An excerpt from The Abortion Companion for y'all

Jan 08, 2026

We are four days from pub day, and I am READY. But, infuriatingly, two of the three books ahead of mine on the Abortion & Birth Control best sellers list are deeply rooted in shame and stigma (I’m sure you can tell which ones those are). So, today I’d like to share this excerpt from The Abortion Companion: An Affirming Handbook for Your Choice and Your Journey (out next Tuesday, 1/13) with y’all.

from The Abortion Companion: An Affirming Handbook for Your Choice and Your Journey, pg. 34

Stigma Lies

Getting rid of abortion stigma is in my top five goals in life.*

*The other goals mainly involve things like having a huge amount of fun with my baby, living in a house with a wraparound porch on a seaside cliff, and learning how to make my own paper.

Stigma is at the root of some really bad shit, and it tells us a lot of lies. It says that we really shouldn’t have abortions, but if we do, then we have to at least be appropriately ashamed about it. It claims that having an abortion is a last resort that we only deserve in certain (and ever-changing) circumstances. None of that is true, but it can be pretty hard to believe because the stigma is everywhere.
We’re constantly told abortion is generally immoral and unacceptable. And what else are we supposed to think when it’s some form of illegal in forty-one states? Criminalization reinforces stigma and makes having abortions feel illicit when it isn’t. And even if we’re taught that it’s technically okay, it’s often in the sense that it’s okay for other people. It’s nearly impossible for me to imagine now, but a past version of me actually uttered the phrase, “Of course abortion is okay, but I could never have one.” Like, ma’am, why not? There’s a really long answer to that, but here’s the short version. Society insists that there are two categories: the kind of people who have abortions and the kind of people who don’t. This distinction is a total myth.
In my dream world, abortion would be presented as such a normal part of life that it seems to have always existed in our consciousnesses. But when I was growing up, I only heard abortion spoken about in hushed and allegedly appropriately reverent tones. Who wants to share their abortion story if there’s a good chance it’ll be met with judgment? Because it’s rare for people to talk openly about their abortions, having abortions seems much rarer than it actually is. And when we don’t hear other people’s stories, we assume we’re alone.
I had my daughter when I was thirty-one. I noticed a stark difference between how I was treated when I was a fully acknowledged adult who planned to continue the pregnancy versus a young college student who planned to have an abortion. All pregnant people in all situations should be supported and respected, but that’s not the case, because abortion stigma is tied in messy knots with racism, classism, and misogyny.
Shame shouldn’t be the price we have to pay for having abortions.