This is one of those movies that I’ve seen approximately 100 times. Mostly on VHS/DVD on a 14 inch box television in the spare bedroom of my grandma’s house. I grew up believing that the exchange “Why would you wanna marry me for anyhow?”, “So I can kiss you anytime I want”, is the ultimate expression of romance (it’s not ).

Let’s set the scene: It’s NYFW 2002. Designer Melanie Carmichael/Smooter (Reese Witherspoon) has been away from Alabama for 7 years. Her boyfriend Andrew (Patrick Dempsey) proposes to her - the theme of the proposal is extravagance. Also selfishness, since this is literally the same day as Melanie’s debut NYFW show. It’s like when people propose at other people’s wedding receptions, or on the day someone finishes their PhD.

Despite this weird proposal, throughout most of the movie I’d describe Andrew as an early-2000’s example of non-toxic masculinity. And unrealistic love. Why doesn’t he know anything about her past? And why doesn’t he thinks that’s strange? Example: there’s a big problem that he’s unaware of - Melanie’s still married to her first husband, Jake (Josh Lucas), because he won’t sign the divorce papers. So, she has to go home (for the first time in seven years!) and get that taken care of. Enter, the pure eroticism of Jake in this outfit:

Melanie’s first few days back in Alabama aren’t great. She’s taken to jail. She insults people right and left. She voms in Jake’s truck. She publicly outs her childhood friend Bobby Ray at a crowded bar and it’s horrible. Thankfully he doesn’t have shitty friends (other than her), and her plan to humiliate him backfires.

After all that, the movie takes on a softer tone. I appreciate the way it openly talks about unintended pregnancy and pregnancy loss, and the effects it can have on both relationships and your sense of self. In a scene that captures the bespoke complexity of loss, Jake asks Melanie, “You ever wonder what would’ve happened if we hadn’t gotten pregnant?” He continues, “I thought that baby would be an adventure. And it took me awhile to realize it would’ve been your only adventure. I guess mother nature knew better, huh?”. I love his ownership of his shortcomings, and honest explanation of how his perspective changed over time. There’s a real respect for her path here. Melanie replies, “I was so ashamed. Cause I felt relieved. And all of a sudden, I just…needed a different life”. As we know, there’s no shame in feeling relief after an unintended pregnancy ends. Even if there’s a lot of pressure telling us otherwise.

Side note: Jake has used the past 7 years to build his glass-making business, which culminates in the grand opening of a storefront. Craftsmanship is sexy!

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This time we’ve got a repro rights angle!

I remember seeing Juno in theaters in 2007. I sat with a group of my high school friends and ate Dr. Pepper jellybeans. If my math is correct, the titular character and I were the same age at the time. Now, as a 31 year old pregnant person, Juno seems impossibly young.

There’s a lot to talk about here. To kick us off: I’m reasonably sure this is the first time I saw visiting an abortion clinic depicted in a movie, and possibly the first time I even heard the word abortion on screen. Good, right? No. Rewatching this movie made me big mad.

Now, there were some well-done similarities between Juno’s experience and my own experience of unintended pregnancy as a young person:

• Purchasing/taking a pregnancy test at the gas station

• The vibe of “That little pink plus sign is so unholy”

• Calling your best friend to figure out wtf to do, and them offering to call the clinic for you

And: Juno pretty much immediately decides to get an abortion. In my rewatch, I felt a strong sense of pride and camaraderie watching her make the decision. It mirrored my own. Unfortunately (and like many people), she runs into a lot of challenges to accessing abortion care, including:

• Anti-abortion freaks

• Lots of paperwork

• One of the two clinics nearby being unavailable because they require parental consent for minors

• The giant loser holding an anti-abortion sign and monotonously chanting “All babies want to get borned [sic]” outside the clinic. And it’s someone Juno knows - a fellow high school student. Who continues to yell at her after they discuss homework.

Ultimately, it’s an anti-abortion lie (which is never acknowledged as a lie) about fingernails that causes her to run out of the clinic. The loser peer looks on with faint surprise and calls out, “God appreciates your miracle” (yuck!). Later, Juno tells her friend, “Couldn’t do it Leah. I’ve been thinking I could, like, have this baby, and give it to someone who totally needs it. You, know like a woman with a bum ovary or a couple of nice lesbos”.

At the time of my first viewing, I definitely didn’t understand the dynamics at play here. The stigma! The shame! I remember thinking that this was a beautiful story, even. That choosing to carry the pregnancy to term rather than having an abortion indicated a high level of maturity and even morality on Juno’s part. I’m deeply sad for my younger self’s lack of knowledge about and even judgment for perfectly okay reproductive decisions. I’m embarrassed for my lack of empathy. If an earlier version of you has ever said the phrase “I support other people’s decisions, but I could never have an abortion myself”, you might recognize this shame.

To state the obvious here: adoption is not an alternative to abortion. It is not an alternative to pregnancy. It’s an alternative to parenting.

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This is another one of my fave comfort movies. In case you didn’t know, I’m an Ashton Kutcher (Jack) super fan. And I love Cameron Diaz (Joy) in high power roles. In this one, she works 80 hours a week on the stock exchange and likes things exactly how she likes them. Honestly, I want her to run my life. Jack is goofy - he acts like he’s a very immature 23 year old and has weekly role play dates with a hot mechanic.

OK so here’s the set up: Jack is fired by his own father (it’s justified). Joy is dumped by her fiancé in front of everyone at the surprise party she planned for him (it’s not justified). So, they (separately) decide to go to Vegas, where they serendipitously end up hanging out due to a hotel room mix-up. There’s copious amounts of drinking, and somehow they end up Vegas married. OK, weird, but not a huge deal - there’s always annulment. But here’s the thing: on the way out one of them wins a shit ton of money on a slot machine using the other person’s quarter. And remember, they’re married. So technically, the winnings belong to both of them. Whoops!

When they go to court to argue about the money, a judge - who is apparently super pro traditional marriage - sentences them to “6 months hard marriage”, where they must live together (in Jack’s gross apartment!) and attend couples counseling (with Queen Latifah!).

This movie is definitely firmly rooted in 2008 - the gender stuff is really tired. It relies on the hyper competent woman/super incompetent dude trope. There’s a misogynistic boss who dangles a promotion over Joy’s head. Jack acts like he is literally incapable of cleaning - the state of the bathroom is utterly repulsive. He complains to his friend that “men and women are not meant to coexist”.

They spend much of the movie trying to destroy each other. There’s a lot of meanness. But inevitably, there’s chemistry (this is a movie, after all!). And even better - they start to really see each other. While pushing each other’s buttons, they’re also learning how to support each other. There’s a mutual vulnerability and it’s nice to watch.

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It’s a million degrees here in Austin, so I needed a little holiday cheer!

First: the emotional range of this movie. It’s about grief and love and family. And Christmas. Second: the all-star cast. Third: the level of nostalgia for things I’ve never experienced that it gives me!! Some of those non-experienced things:

• *Christmas in Connecticut* (cozying up in my giant yet homey white house while wearing comfy chic cold weather clothing and drinking copious amounts of hot coffee)

• Having 5 children

  • Susannah

  • Thaddeus

  • Ben

  • Everett

  • Amy

• Smoking a joint in the snow at the high school football stadium with my dad

OK so, the gist of the plot is that Dermot Mulroney’s character Everett brings Sarah Jessica Parker’s character Meredith home for Christmas (despite being a doomed couple). Everett’s family is large, close-knit, and palpably hostile to outsiders, so it’s not a great situation for our girl Mer. Especially since she’s immediately characterized as being extremely uptight and difficult.

Sybil (Diane Keaton), the matriarch, is at the center of the family. She is a funny/very loving firecracker, and a shit starter. Sadly, we find out that her breast cancer has returned and this will likely be her last Christmas with the family. Much of the movie revolves around how her children process this devastating news. It’s full of several very tender scenes, interspersed with some levity (especially from Luke Wilson’s character - the goofy and lovable Ben).

Now, oldest son Everett has another motive for coming home: he’s here to ask Sybil for the family ring. To propose to Meredith. Who they all openly despise. After several awkward and uncomfortable interactions, Meredith asks her sister Julie (Claire Danes) to come and help her. The easy-going Julie arrives, and the family immediately loves her and makes it clearly known, which honestly is really rude.

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I’m not sure what it is, but movies from 1998 have an absolute chokehold on me. Theories: Is it because of how old I was in 1998? Because there are no visible cell phones? The bright yet mellow lighting? Was there some kind of filmmaking renaissance going on? If you know, please tell me in the comments.

I’d say The Wedding Singer is Drew Barrymore & Adam Sandler’s best collab ever. Their undeniable chemistry is on full display, and it’s just a good movie. There’s campy 80s aesthetic throughout, including several weddings, a bar mitzvah, and a 50th anniversary party. Billy Idol has a cameo role. Drew Barrymore is at her most angelic.

The movie starts out with Robbie (Adam Sandler), an engaged to be married wedding singer, meeting Julia (Drew Barrymore), an engaged to be married waitress at the wedding venue.

Robbie’s set to marry his shitty fiancee Linda soon, while Julia wants her shitty fiance Glenn to set a wedding date. Glenn. A garden variety misogynist with a side of arrogance (plus a lot of cheating), pictured below. Btw his last name is Gulia. When they get married, Julia’s name will be Julia Gulia.

In a twist that surprises no one (except Robbie), Linda doesn’t show up to their wedding. Later, she explains that her absence was caused by the fact that she can’t be married to a wedding singer (personally, I think it could actually be because there was an instrumental version of Don’t Stop Believin’ playing as she was set to walk down the aisle, but w/e).

So Linda and Glenn are shitty for different reasons, but at the core they simply don’t value their partners. But enough about them. As with many of our favorite love stories, Robbie and Julia’s love starts out as a friendship. Julia supports Robbie during his angsty post-breakup era. When Julia was going to just do her wedding planning errands alone, Robbie steps in. They clearly both really want to be loved, but aren’t finding it with their respective partners. They share a genuine care for people, as well as a softness that is wasted on their relationships. It’s cheesy, and I buy it.

When Robbie’s nephew Petey draws devil imagery on a picture of Linda, Robbie says, “That’s not nice. Very creative though.” Through his pain, he’s able to maintain compassion for Linda while appreciating his nephew’s emotional support effort.

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I guess in this society being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time.

- Kat Stratford

I was trying to figure out exactly how many times I’ve seen this movie - I think it’s at least in the upper 50s range. *And* I actually remember the very first time I watched it. In the car (on whatever kind of TV was able to travel in a car in the early 2000s), on the way to the Lake of the Ozarks, with my best friend Emily, the summer after 7th grade. I’ve loved it ever since. I hope the costume designer won awards for their work - a true treasure trove of 90’s fashion.

Here’s the (very good) soundtrack to plan in the background while you’re reading:

There’s just so much to write about with this one. To me, it’s truly a masterpiece of the high school rom com genre. And, it was a directorial debut - do you find this as inspiring as I do? Screenwriting team Karen McCullah and Kirsten Smith wrote it by mailing pages of the draft to each other from different cities. They also co-wrote several other bangers, including Legally Blonde, Ella Enchanted, The House Bunny, and She’s the Man.

First: 10 Things I Hate About You is loosely related to Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew. Many of the names in the movie are in homage to the original: Padua, Verona, Bianca, Katherina. Ahem: A shrew is an “unpleasant, ill-tempered woman characterized by scolding, nagging, and aggression.” Relatable! In this case, our shrew is feminist icon Kat Stratford (Julia Stiles), who likes “Thai food, feminist prose, and angry girl music of the indie rock persuasion”. Same.

High school students Kat and her sister Bianca live in Seattle in a very very beautiful house:

Unfortunately, their controlling, patriarchal father (disguised in the film as somewhat goofily innocuous) also lives there. He has two house rules: “Number one, no dating til you graduate. Number two, no dating til you graduate. That’s it.”

Despite being a practicing OB/GYN, this dude is very very afraid of sex and/or unintended pregnancy. Instead of helping his daughters understand their repro options - which he is uniquely qualified to do - he bloviates on about the horrors of normal teen sexuality. He makes one of them wear a fake belly to simulate pregnancy before going to a study group.

Of course, this is really about losing control of his daughters and their decisions. Kat directly confronts him, saying, “Stop making my decisions for me.” He responds with, “I’m your father, that is my right.” Excuse me?

Eventually, the rule is amended to “Bianca can date. When she (Kat) does.” This opens up the door of possibility for Bianca, but puts Kat in the really shitty position of gatekeeper. The sister dynamic stood out to me this rewatch. Their mother left the family 3 years prior, fracturing the family and sending each member off to their own little islands. It’s clear the sisters want to love each other, but their relationship is almost set up to fail because of their parents’ choices.

Anyway, with Bianca potentially available Cameron and his friend Michael devise a plan. Here’s the plan: Michael convinces rich/popular dude Joey to pay mysterious/loner Patrick to take out an unaware Kat. He says the purpose of this is to elevate his social status (“cool by association”), but the real reason is that nerdy/pining Cameron desperately wants to date Bianca, who can only date people after Kat decides to. It’s so messy!

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Vom!!

Note: Real life Roseanne Barr sucks. She is the worst. I can’t stand her. But in this movie, she’s our devilish protagonist.

From the very first scene, Ed Begley Jr’s character (Bob) is a terrible husband. He’s just so weak. A brazen liar and emotional abuser. He starts up an affair with one of his accounting clients, famous romance novelist Mary Fisher. Ahem: this is unfathomable because Mary is way out of his league (she’s published nearly 40 books!).

Sadly, his wife Ruth blames herself. She says, “I will try to look attractive for my husband. Bob’s just going through a phase. And when it’s over I’ll be here. Ready and waiting for him. Mary Fisher you’re just a fling, a novelty, an infatuation. Bob doesn’t love you.” Cut to Bob saying “I love you” to Mary.

I’m gonna be honest, at first I hated this movie. Much of the writing is misogynistic and fatphobic, plus the whole Roseanne sucks thing. But as the minutes ticked on, it grew on me. I enjoyed watching a very dramatic Meryl in all of her all-pink late-80’s glamour (including her fabulous seaside pink mansion, pink circular bed, and pink outfits). And boy is it campy.

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The basics: Debra Messing’s Kat Ellis hires Dermot Mulroney’s Nick Mercer to pose as her boyfriend and attend her sister’s wedding, paying him $6,000 in cash. I love Kat’s practicality here. She needs this to go well, so she hired a professional. And he’s definitely a professional. When they land in London, a perfectly dressed Nick reassures a very nervous Kat by saying, “Don’t worry - your ex-fiance will wish he never left you, and your family will think we’re in love”.

We don’t see very many positive depictions of sex workers, in film or elsewhere. But here, when it’s Dermot Mulroney, sex work is categorized as acceptable - charming even. When it’s other people (especially marginalized women in the real world), it’s labeled immoral, indecent, and wrong. In a display of serious cognitive dissonance, Kat wants to draw a line between “real” sex work and what she hired Nick for. When he mentions “If you want to be intimate, we talk money first”, Kat blurts out “Believe me that won’t be an issue, I find the idea of sex for money morally repugnant”, quickly followed by an “I’m sorry. No offense.” Sure Jan.

Now, as for why she hired him. Well - her piece of shit ex-fiance (who unexpectedly/unceremoniously left her two years ago) will be at the wedding. And she can’t bear the thought of showing up alone.

In many ways, Nick’s work could be described as fulfilling fantasy. And in Kat’s fantasy, the focus is less on sex and more on supportive partnership. Nick is reassuring and dependable. He sees Kat for who she is and appreciates it. He understands her fears and works to mitigate them. He tells her she doesn’t need to keep apologizing. This man seems like he’s been to therapy.

But don’t worry - there’s also a lot of high quality sexy stuff sprinkled throughout.

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First, some background: Kate Hudson’s Andie writes a “how-to” column for Composure mag. She works with her friend Michelle, played by the unrivaled Kathryn Hahn (whose talent is sadly squandered by the casual misogyny of early 2000s writing). As they’re walking into work one day, Michelle is struggling to get over the breakup of a week-long relationship. Andie reminds her, “You only dated the guy a week.” Michelle tearfully responds, “It was the best week of my life.”

Later, in a staff meeting, the central premise is born. Andie suggests, “Look at Michelle [Kathryn Hahn]. She’s a great girl, right? An amazing woman. But, she has a problem hanging on to relationships. And doesn’t really know what she’s doing wrong, which is like a lot of our readers. So, I was thinking that I could start by dating a guy and then drive him away. But only using the classic mistakes most women, like Michelle, make all the time. I’ll keep a diary of it and it will be sort of a dating how-to in reverse.”

Of course, this framing puts the blame for failed relationships squarely on women. Andie’s boss immediately dubs the article, “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”. Andie asks, “Why ten days?”. Her boss explains, “Five days is too short and we go to press in 11.”

That night, she meets Matthew McConaughey’s Ben Barry at a bar. At this point you might be thinking, how hard could it be to get someone to break up with you? But there’s a twist: in order to land a new advertising account, Ben made a bet with his employer: he has ten days to make Andie fall in love with him.

So now we have directly competing goals:

• Ben wants to make Andie fall in love with him

• Andie wants to make Ben break up with her

They go back to his house, where Ben puts Nelly’s Hot In Herre on the CD player.

But then he remembers he’s trying to make her fall in love, so switches to everyone’s fave groovy romancer: Al Green.

Andie strategically leaves her purse at his house. The next day, at work with his friends, Ben muses, “A woman’s purse is her secret source of power.” Ben, babe, men can carry purses too. But anyway, he goes through the purse and finds the Knicks tickets Andie left for him to find.

For the sake of time, at this point we’re going to switch to bullet points.

A list of things Ben does to try to make Andie fall in love with him:

• Sends her 100 white roses

• Cooks her dinner one time (lamb w/ a cherry glaze & carrots)

• Suggests couples therapy

• Takes her to Staten Island to meet his fam

• Teaches her to drive a motorcycle while this (incredible) song plays in the background

A list of things Andie does to try to make Ben break up with her:

• Sends him to the concessions stand to get her a Diet Coke during the final moments of a Knicks game

• Calls in the middle of a meeting to tell him she misses him

• Takes him to see Sleepless in Seattle in theaters, where she gets him punched in the face by a random dude

• Redecorates his home, including a fuzzy pink toilet cover, stuffed animals, a framed photo of her, and a baby fern plant

• Plays him Carly Simon’s You’re So Vain, changing the lyrics to “And all the girls dreamed that they’d be Ben’s partner, they’d be Ben’s partner”

• Pretends to be vegetarian

• Names his dick Princess Sophia (sight unseen)

• Doesn’t have sex with him

• Gets a tiny dog and dresses the dog & Ben in matching Burberry

• Creates a photoshop-generated photo album for their non-existent family

• Calls his mom, Glenda

• Puts Vagisil and other “gross” products in his medicine cabinet (he really doesn’t like this one)

• Shows up to “boys night”, letting herself in with a key she had made

But honestly, how many of these things are that egregious (I mean obviously other than the punching one, and maybe the photo album). For many of her tactics, my opinion is something along the lines of “But like who cares if she leaves Vagisil in his apartment?”. My takeaway here is an obnoxious central theme of these rom coms: making women feel/seem crazy for having needs/preferences/desires. Eventually Ben actually says it explicitly, “You’re acting completely insane. You’re like a freakin’ one-woman circus, Andie.”

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Rom Coms Revisited: The good, the bad, and the ugly of your fave 90’s-early 2000s rom coms. A movie club!

Psst, in case you missed the first one, here’s 50 reasons why 50 First Dates is the worst.

How it’s going to work: twice a month I’ll publish a post analyzing one of our beloved rom coms through a feminist lens. And don’t worry, you’re still allowed to love them - I do. I’ll announce the movies ahead of time so y’all can watch along. After the post is live, we’ll discuss in the comments/my subscriber’s only chat thread! And also, I’m writing an exclusive recipe pairing for each movie.

Invite your friends!

up next:

4/2: The Expert Level Mind Games in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (post coming this Sunday! get to rewatching!)

4/16 The Wedding Date (Debra Messing + Dermot Mulroney, chef’s kiss)

4/30 She-Devil (Meryl Streep in full 80’s glam!)

If this sounds like something you’d be interested in, consider upgrading to a paid subscription to join the party.

And don’t forget to drop your movie requests in the comments!

xoxo and happy watching,

your favorite becca

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note: Drew Barrymore is my queen and can do no wrong. My beef is with the movie itself.

In case you haven’t, here’s the trailer:

TLDR: Adam Sandler’s character (Henry) falls in love with Drew Barrymore’s character (Lucy), who due to a car accident is unable to form new memories. Henry pursues a relationship with her despite the fact that every night when she sleeps her short-term memory is wiped and she wakes up with a blank slate that doesn’t include him.

OK first, this movie is very watchable. We’ve got beautiful scenery, a scene where a super powerful Lucy kicks a dude’s ass to protect a stranger (Henry), and the undeniable Barrymore/Sandler chemistry. So I’m truly sorry if this happens to be your favorite/comfort movie. But I can’t get these things out of my head:

1. Minor, but obvious: in what universe is an Adam Sandler character a successful womanizer?

2. Lucy refers to walrus penises as “winkies”

3. Some not great portrayals of and jokes about traumatic brain injuries/memory loss at the expense of people with those conditions.

4. Intense manipulation at every turn:

   1. At the diner Henry literally pretends that he can’t read to force Lucy to interact with him. Later, he tells her he likes making little structures out of waffles when actually she’s the one who likes that.

      

   2. At one point during a date/makeout sesh (note: this is actually the first kiss/date for Lucy) he tries to cop a feel, and when she is like yo dude this is weird/too much, he says: “This is like the 23rd time we’ve made out already, and they’re getting blue”. They meaning Henry’s balls. He goes on, “Hawaiian law clearly states that after the 12th date I’m entitled to unlimited boob access”. They both laugh, but it’s not really funny. (Perpetual reminder that you are not responsible for anyone else’s orgasms or lack thereof).

5. And above all, the ending (skip if you don’t want spoilers!)

   1. How fucking terrifying would it be to wake up to a child that you don’t remember having, by a husband that you don’t remember meeting?? Oh, and you’re on a boat in the middle of nowhere!! That’s a horror movie ending, not a rom com one.

      

But I will say, the soundtrack slaps:

For cute chemistry with less weirdness I suggest the 1998 classic The Wedding Singer.

some notable (and less notable) things

• If you're looking for more Substacks to read, I love

• To aid in my lifelong journey of making excellent pasta from scratch, I’m cooking my way through the Pasta Grannies cookbook. Is there such a thing as a book club for recipes? Would any of y’all like to join one?

• This entire album:

• Thank you so much to everyone who answered the Venmo call for pro-abortion hero Aracely! I’m so proud of what we’ve been able to do together to support them and their family. I’ve notified the raffle winner (yay Tina!), but if you still need one of my tote bags for yourself here’s the link, or click:

  

• Quarterly reminder that I have a Parade discount code (thesweetfeminist) for 20% off. This full coverage yet extremely breathable style is now the only underwear I buy.

• I finished Shrinking this week (starring Jason Segel, Jessica Williams, and Harrison Ford), and I recommend it so highly. It’s a beautiful show with themes like grief, friendship, change, family, and general humanness.

• My poppies bloomed:

a recipe

cafe au lait muffins

This is a simple recipe for moist and rich muffins flavored with coffee and allspice. They're best served warm, slathered in salted butter! The coffee flavor isn’t overwhelming, but it might make you daydream about sitting in your favorite chair at your favorite coffee shop, holding a warm cafe au lait in one of those comically wide mugs.

weekly abortion affirmation

Shitty laws do not determine our fundamental right to bodily autonomy.

my current fave pic of Otie

xoxo,

your favorite becca

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things that permanently live at the bottom of my posts:

Submit your secrets/sparkly moments here.

If you need help accessing abortion care, click here or here.

Grab a copy of my choose-your-own-adventure cookbook, Baking by Feel, here!